She screamed his name, clutching his shoulders hard as he kept going, surging faster into her. Not stopping. Not allowing her to catch her breath. Already the third wave was building. Higher. Stronger. Coiling so tight she feared she might not hold herself together when it came.
She felt him swelling, impossible, but he stretched her even more. He had watched her through two orgasms, now he took her mouth. Hot. On fire. Then his face was buried in her neck and she felt his teeth bite down over her pulse. That erotic sting sent her careening over the edge, taking him with her. He thrust several times and then buried himself deep, staying still, his mouth still on her neck.
Her arms went around him and she held him to her. Strangely, she could hear their hearts beating in perfect mad synchronization. The drumbeats added to the perfection of their song. The musical notes exploded all around them, like silver and gold stars bursting in the air as their song crescendoed. It was beautiful. It was perfect. And she let the blinding tears track down her face. She had never known being with a man—the right man—could be so good.
15
Fane was a big man and his weight was entirely on her. Trixie found it a little difficult to breathe. Still, she didn’t want him to move. She could feel him in her, his shaft pulsing, sending ripples spreading throughout her body. So good. So amazing. He swept his tongue over her pulse and pressed kisses into the junction of her neck before lifting his head. At once his gaze swept her face, noting the tears sparkling on her lashes and the fresh tracks on her face.
“Hän sívamak.”
Just that. In his voice. She knew what that meant now. Beloved. He called her beloved. She’d never had a man give her an affectionate or loving nickname. He’d given her two. She’d never had a man hold her as if he never wanted to let go or look at her with a mixture of tenderness and reprimand.
He bent his head and tasted her tears. Her body clutched his harder. His every movement sent more ripples throughout her body. She loved that they were still connected. She traced lazy patterns with her fingertips on his back.
“Tell me why you are crying.”
She couldn’t look away from the compelling blue of his eyes. “You’re so beautiful, Fane. This is beautiful. I wish I could . . .” She broke off. “I have to go home. Back to my life there. It’s a beautiful dream, but I don’t think you could really live with someone like me, my attitude and my very strong opinions. I doubt I could live with a man. What you’ve given me is more than I’ve ever had in my life and . . .”
He kissed her. Instantly her thoughts scattered. She couldn’t think with his mouth on hers and his body gently moving in and out of hers. So gentle. Soothing. And then he slid out and rolled off of her, but retained possession so that she was tucked close to his side, facing him. One knee slid between her thighs. One leg went over the top of hers to pin her there. His arm circled her waist.
Trixie looked up at him, afraid he might be upset. She was. She almost hoped he would be, but he looked down at her with something close to amusement.
“You are my lifemate. Your soul is bound to mine. We cannot be apart.”
She frowned. He said it as if being lifemates was an everyday occurrence and she should know she couldn’t be apart from him. She knew the idea of leaving him made her want to weep, but still, she had a life she had to get back to. At the same time, she couldn’t make herself move. He held her close to him. So close, his hands smoothing over her body, rubbing and kneading, a gentle massage. Trixie had never thought, after all the years alone in a bed, she would like to snuggle—but she did—so much so that she stayed and listened when she should have run.
“You and Gabrielle both use the word lifemate as if I would know all it meant. She explained a little about you. That you can live in darkness until you find the right woman . . .”
He nuzzled the top of her head with his chin. His hand was smoothing the curve of her breast, his thumb sliding over her nipple, causing a shiver through her body and a distinct quiver in her feminine channel.
“There is only one woman or one man for a Carpathian, Trixie. We cannot make mistakes. The ritual words binding our souls together are imprinted on the male before he is born. Once those vows are spoken and the two are tied together, they cannot be apart for very long. Those ties enable them to speak telepathically on an intimate path.”
Trixie took a breath and opened her mouth, but she had no idea what to say.
“Darkness does not describe the hell we live in waiting for our lifemates. The world is bleak, and we have only our honor to keep us from turning to the wrong path. Vampires are Carpathians who choose to give up their souls for the chance to feel a rush when they kill. That is how desperate it becomes living in that raw, ugly world.” He brushed kisses over her ear and down to her neck.
Her heart accelerated. His hand was at her waist now, back to stroking soothing caresses over her skin, splaying his fingers wide to take in as much of her as he could.
“You have to have made a mistake, Fane. I’m not that woman.”
“We lose our ability to see in color and to feel emotion. Both fade slowly so we do not succumb to the madness of our lives being slowly taken from us, but it is wearing after so many years. Each kill we make in the name of justice adds to the darkness. The longer we live, the more difficult it can become. When we find the one woman, our woman, our lifemate, she restores colors and emotions to us. We can feel how perfect and beautiful making love is. We can see her amazing silky skin and feel her hair sliding over our skin. When we kiss it’s a kind of ecstasy, because every feeling is appreciated and felt intensely.”
Trixie moistened her lips. She felt languid, so relaxed she couldn’t move, but at the same time, unease had crept in. This would never be her home. At her age, she couldn’t just drop everything and follow a man, no matter how much she might want to. More, how much the thought of leaving him made her crumble inside. “Fane, are you saying I’ve done that for you? I gave you back your ability to see in color and feel emotion?”
“That is exactly what you did for me.”
She closed her eyes, sorrow sweeping through her at the enormity of his simple statement. She had always been intelligent, able to grasp a concept immediately, and she knew that what he just said meant they were tied together. Soul to soul. She might have scoffed at the notion or made light fun of someone believing such nonsense if she wasn’t lying next to him, naked and sated from amazing sex. She didn’t do this kind of thing. Ever.
“I’m so glad I did, Fane. You’re a good man.” She took a breath. “But I am human, not Carpathian, and I have an entire life in another place.”
“I am aware of that, Trixie. I am in your mind. I have seen your life and your lack of dreams for yourself. You have given pieces of yourself to everyone you love all of your life and you held back nothing for yourself.” He brushed another kiss along her temple, and now his hand moved lower, between her legs. “I was born to give you everything. To keep you safe and make you happy. Truly happy.”
“I am happy, Fane.”
“I know you love your family, but I found the emptiness in you. That place that feels just as alone as I was. You hold it away from everyone, deep inside where it only belongs to you. Now it is mine to fill.”
She closed her eyes. Wanting him. Knowing she couldn’t have him. She’d gone nearly a lifetime without a man. It was impossible to incorporate one into her life. Fane was sweet to her, but she could see he was a scary man. Dangerous. He wore that look in the lines of his face and the set of his shoulders. The way he moved. He was a man, meaning totally masculine. He would be bossy. She was bossy.