Gabrielle sighed. She shoved both hands through her hair, keeping the blanket in place with her elbows. “But then I turned around and now I’m betraying Gary.”
Trixie smiled at her. “Child, loving someone is never wrong. Never. There are all kinds of love in the world. Gary was sweet and kind to you when you needed it. You didn’t have anyone and you didn’t have any experience. He was the first man you fell in love with. In essence, your teenage love. Think about it. He had work in common with you and he made you laugh, but you didn’t have sex with him. You didn’t take every minute you could to be alone with him, sneaking off because you couldn’t keep your hands off each other.”
Gabrielle frowned at her. “I don’t know what you mean.”
“Can you keep your hands off this Aleksei of yours?”
“Well.” Gabrielle thought about it. Not when she was with him. She wanted him touching her. Kissing her. She mostly wanted him inside of her. “No. But that’s just sex. We don’t make love. He isn’t gentle.”
“But you like what he does.”
“Yes. A lot.” Gabrielle was honest. She had to be if she was going to sort this out. And she needed to sort it out fast. Before he came back.
“There are all kinds of ways to make love. If it’s good, that’s what you need. But going back to your Gary. You clung to him because he made you feel grounded. Everything around you was so different and you didn’t know how to handle it. I think you do love him, Gabrielle, but I don’t think you’re in love with him. If you were in love with him, you wouldn’t feel as if all your loyalty should belong to Aleksei.”
“I know that I love him and he loved me.”
“Yes,” Trixie agreed. “But I doubt if either of you were in love. Not a soul-destroying kind of love. If you had been, you would have been like you and Aleksei, all over each other. You love each other because you both are intelligent, have a lot in common, make each other laugh, all those things. But, child. Where was the passion?”
Gabrielle closed her eyes. Trixie was making sense, and that only seemed to make her feel worse.
“Gabrielle. Think about it. This man, Aleksei, frightens you. He doesn’t give you one single thing you thought you wanted or needed. But you’re reluctant to say anything that might put him in a bad light. You refuse to say one bad thing about him, and looking at you, seeing your misery, I think there are a few lessons that man needs to learn about women and he needs to learn them fast.”
“You don’t understand the enormity of what I did,” Gabrielle said. “You can’t possibly understand yet. You’re still human. You don’t even really know about Carpathians. The betrayal went so deep.” She frowned and waved her hand. The moment she did, she was fully clothed, although, like Trixie, she’d left her shoes off.
“How do you do that?” Trixie demanded.
Gabrielle blinked as if coming out of a deep fog. “It’s because he’s my lifemate.”
“That’s another thing. Maybe you should explain Carpathians and lifemates to me, because I don’t quite get that, either.”
Gabrielle turned her head, sweeping her long hair over her shoulder to stare at Trixie in shock. Clearly shocked. “You told me you’re Fane’s lifemate.” Her heart began to pound. Hard. What if she’d made a mistake? She couldn’t trust her own judgment anymore. If she was talking to this woman, taking her at face value, and she was there hunting them, she had just helped convince the hunter to kill them.
“That’s what he told me,” Trixie said. “But I don’t understand exactly what that means.”
Gabrielle bit her lip hard. Hard enough that her teeth drew a small drop of blood. Trixie winced for her, but Gabrielle didn’t really do more than register that small movement. She didn’t know what to do.
There was one moment when she felt something stirring in her mind. And then he was there. Pouring into her. Warm. Intimate. It didn’t feel at all like an invasion. She felt complete. Safe.
Kessake. What is it? What has you upset?
Didn’t he mean more upset? If he knew she was worried about something he had to have known she was crying her eyes out. How? If he hadn’t been in her mind . . . Had he lied to her?
I cannot lie to you. I will not lie to you. Your soul is tied to my soul. I feel your emotions, just as you can feel mine should you try. I entered your mind because you are very troubled. I am your lifemate and if you have need of me, I will come to you. Tell me. Now.
12
Gabrielle knew Aleksei had just given her an order. If she didn’t tell him what he wanted to know, he would take the information from her mind. She took a deep breath. Submitting. Not because she was afraid of him, but because she was afraid for him. She was afraid for all the residents of the monastery.
There is a woman with me. Her name is Trixie Joanes. She said she’s Teagan’s grandmother and lifemate to Fane. I’ve . . . God. God. Why was she so gullible and stupid? Why didn’t she think before she acted? Now she had this hanging over her head as well. I’ve told her things that revealed a lot about what you are. She could be an enemy. I didn’t think, but I could have put everyone here at risk.
What we are.
She swallowed hard at the tone he used. Velvet over steel. A rasp she felt inside her body like a caressing stroke, but something else that set her heart pounding. I don’t understand.
We are. You. Me. We. We are both Carpathians. If you put me at risk, then you have put yourself at risk as well. And. I. Am. Not. There.
Uh. Oh. She got that. She got that right away. He was not happy with her at all.