“Gabrielle Sanders,” the woman introduced herself. “You must be related to Teagan.”
“I’m her grandmother.” Trixie smiled her encouragement. “Do you know her?”
Gabrielle shook her head. “I know her lifemate, Andre.”
There was that word again. Lifemate. Clearly it meant something and no one took it lightly. Still, she’d come back to that. She touched Gabrielle’s shoulder gently. “Did someone hurt you?”
Fresh tears flooded Gabrielle’s eyes. She shook her head and pushed back her hair. “Not like you’re thinking. No one hit me. I’m just a . . . a mess. It’s me. Not him. I screwed up so badly there’s no fixing it.”
“Honey-child, there is always a way to fix something. I raised five girls. I’ve seen and heard it all. Just talking to someone else helps sometimes.”
Gabrielle pressed her lips together. “How are you inside the monastery? No one is supposed to be here.”
Trixie waved her hand airily. “Fane is my lifemate.” She had absolutely no idea what that meant, but Fane had said it and she was going to put this child at ease by using that as an excuse for her presence.
Gabrielle’s eyes widened. “That’s amazing. And good. No, great. I’m Aleksei’s lifemate.” She burst into a fresh storm of tears.
Trixie gathered her into her arms, blanket and all, holding her like she had her daughter and granddaughters when life had been cruel—and she was fairly certain life had been cruel to this woman. She looked young, very young, to be all alone, lying on a carpet naked, covered in bruises and up in the mountains inside a hut with four walls, a roof and dirt floor.
“Talk to me, Gabrielle. I’ve seen a lot of life.” And tasted bitterness and cruelty. She knew those things. She knew about giving up dreams. She knew about loss.
Gabrielle looked up into Trixie’s face. The woman was beautiful. She had exquisite skin and incredible hair. Gabrielle wasn’t certain how old she was; she seemed elegant and timeless, even in her cargo pants and bare feet. Still, she’d been attacked by a man who wanted to kill vampires, and she couldn’t allow herself to be deceived.
She chewed on her lower lip. She had never pushed her way into another’s mind. Not once. Not for any reason. She could talk telepathically to her sister and brother. She could use the common path of the Carpathians, but actually invading someone else’s mind, or having them in hers, seemed far too intimate. She had planned to give that to Gary. At the thought tears welled up again.
Trixie put her hand over Gabrielle’s. “I raised five girls, and I can’t have you lying in this empty shell of a house crying your heart out. Talk to me. Let me help. If nothing else, use me for a sounding board.”
Gabrielle looked into Trixie’s eyes. More than anything else, it was the kindness in her eyes that allowed a very private and distrusting Gabrielle to blurt out her sins to Trixie.
She confessed everything to this total stranger, but Trixie actually seemed to care. She actually seemed sympathetic. Gabrielle needed someone she wasn’t afraid of to talk to. How could she just stop loving Gary? It wasn’t possible. She couldn’t let Aleksei into her mind, but she knew sooner or later he would just stop giving her that and take it. He would know how she felt about Gary. She had sworn her allegiance to Aleksei, and she craved him. He did fill her mind and her thoughts. He owned her body. But the betrayal was there now on either side. She betrayed Gary with Aleksei and Aleksei with her feelings for Gary.
Throughout her entire confession, Trixie remained silent, intently listening, her hand rubbing Gabrielle’s back gently.
“You can’t have your Gary?”
Gabrielle shook her head. “Worse, he won’t be able to feel anything for me. Well, that’s worse for me, but thankfully not for him.”
“If you could have him, would you leave Aleksei for him?”
“It isn’t possible. I’m Aleksei’s lifemate. We’re bound together.”
Trixie frowned, looked as if she might question that and then shook her head. “That isn’t what I asked you. If you could, right now, after all that’s happened, after spending time with Aleksei, would you leave him and go to Gary?”
Gabrielle opened her mouth to explain she couldn’t—that Aleksei wouldn’t let her leave and Gary might not want her even if he could feel because she’d been with Aleksei—but she closed her mouth. Trixie asked a legitimate question, and why wasn’t her answer a firm and resounding yes? She should have jumped at that. She should have immediately, without thought, said yes. Why didn’t she?
She blinked several times, veiling her eyes from Trixie’s penetrating gaze. “I don’t know,” she finally confessed in a low, shocked voice. Not shocked. Horrified. Aleksei was terrifying. He had a temper. He was her worst nightmare. Gary was sweet and kind. Everything she ever wanted. “I don’t know if I could.” The admission brought a fresh flood of tears.
Gabrielle looked up at Trixie. “What is wrong with me? What kind of a person am I? I know that I love Gary. I know it. But Aleksei has taken me over so that I’m obsessed with him. I crave him. I don’t know how I could go from having the kind of sex I have with Aleksei to being with anyone else. He makes me feel . . .” She stopped, biting her lip hard. “He just makes me feel,” she added lamely. “I don’t know how to describe it, but . . .” She broke off, throwing her hands in the air. “I’m such a slut. How could I even consider trading a man I’m certain I love for sex?”
“You want to make it work with Aleksei?” Trixie asked gently, ignoring her drama.
Gabrielle was fairly certain she had lots of practice ignoring drama, what with raising five girls. She nodded slowly, trying to be as honest as possible. She was mixed up and confused, but still, there had to be honesty. “Aleksei scares me. He’s the scariest man I’ve ever met and I’ve met a lot of them. Male Carpathians are dangerous. It shows in everything they say or do. But Aleksei, he’s a little different. Something inside him that is so dark . . .” She trailed off again, because saying that felt like another betrayal. She didn’t want to say anything bad about him behind his back. “I want it to work,” she whispered firmly, meaning it.
“But you’re feeling guilty because you feel loving Gary has betrayed Aleksei. In fact, still is betraying him? Have I got that right?” Trixie asked.
Gabrielle wiped at her tears with the edge of the blanket. “That’s about it,” she admitted. “And making the decision that I know is the right one makes me feel guilty about letting Gary go. And it makes me feel slutty and selfish. How could I betray Aleksei?”
“You didn’t know him.”