She wanted to be. She moistened her lips. She knew he was telling her she had to let go of Gary, but he didn’t understand it was so much more than that.
“Say it,” he snapped, his fingers tightening in warning. “If you are not honest with me, I will take your mind and see to every corner of it and sweep this man away myself. I am giving you this concession. Talk to me honestly even if you know it will make me angry. If you do not, I will not ask again.”
“I know I did something wrong,” she said, unable to contain her rising temper. “I tried to make up for it. Punish me if that makes you feel any better. I don’t know what else I can do. If I give him up completely, I’ve lost everything I was. Everything I am. Everything human. I’ll be so lost I won’t know how to get back to me.” The stark truth burst out of her before she could sort through her desperate thoughts.
Again he just watched her. Forever. For what seemed an eternity. Abruptly, still holding her hair, he pulled her head back farther and leaned into her, taking her mouth. She kept her mouth closed. She was determined that he wouldn’t have any more of her right then. She was too vulnerable. Too exposed. Too fragile. One more blow and she might not survive. She didn’t want to know that her body was already his. She just wanted to be numb and not think about anything at all. Not ever again.
She turned her face to the side but he clamped his hand around her jaw, holding her face toward his.
“Kessake, you cannot be afraid you will lose yourself. I can always find you. I will always find you no matter how lost you are. You put yourself into my keeping, and I may be rough and half savage, but you do not have to fear these things. I will see to your happiness. I will cherish you and protect you.”
His lips brushed over hers gently, almost tenderly, and her eyes burned with tears all over again. How could he be so sweet one moment and so frightening the next? She was just so tired.
“I will teach you the things you fear. You are intelligent, Gabrielle. You know information is power. You fear what you do not know. You will grow powerful and skilled in the ways of our people. That will not lessen who you are or who you were, only enhance it.”
She pressed her forehead to his. “You’re making sense and that scares me a little,” she admitted. She lifted her head. “How? How do I do what you ask?”
“You have no choice, kessake, because I have no choice. I cannot share you with another man. I will not. No other man touches you.”
“I know that,” she said. “I wouldn’t betray you like that. Not even with him.” And she wouldn’t. She’d given her word, and truthfully, she wasn’t certain any other man would ever satisfy her. Worse, she wasn’t certain she could allow another man to touch her, not even Gary.
“I want all of you.”
It was a demand, and it said everything about him. He was ruthless. Arrogant. He would kill. He had killed. He was hard and scary and everything that Gary was not. She let her breath out slowly and closed her eyes.
Gary. She breathed his name with regret. With sorrow. I’m so sorry. She was sorry. For everything, but mostly because she already belonged to Aleksei. Maybe not her heart, but she had chosen and she would stick with that choice, no matter how terrified she was.
She didn’t know how to let Gary go, but she was going to try. Gary wouldn’t feel the sorrow she did. She knew the love he had for her would barely be a memory to him if Gregori and Mikhail had managed to save him—and she was certain they had. She would have known if he was gone.
She breathed her good-bye and took another breath. When she opened her eyes, she found herself staring into Aleksei’s brilliant green eyes. He didn’t blink. He refused to release her gaze.
“Are you letting him go?”
She nodded her head slowly.
“Kiss me.”
She pulled back a little, or tried to. She’d forgotten his hand in her hair. That said how gentle he’d been with her, but now she felt the bite of demand on her scalp. She licked her lips with the tip of her tongue. She wasn’t ready for this. “Aleksei.” She whispered his name, asking for mercy. Willing him to understand.
His hold slid from her hair to wrap around the nape of her neck. “Kessake, you need to trust your lifemate. I want you to kiss me.”
She wrapped her arms tighter around her knees, holding herself together when she was afraid she would come apart.
“Lean into me. Put your hands on my shoulders and kiss me.”
His voice was gentle. Patient. For some reason that turned her heart over and made her want to weep. She never knew what to expect from him and it kept her feeling off balance. She forced her body to uncurl a little, just enough to take her hands from her legs and put them on his broad shoulders. At once heat soaked into her. She hadn’t even known she was cold or shivering. His skin was hot and warmed her entire body just by having her hands on him.
“That is a start, but you forgot the part where you lean into me. I want your breasts pressed against my chest and your mouth on mine.”
Her eyes searched his. She didn’t know what to make of his instructions, but she felt her body react at the suggestion. Her breasts suddenly were tender and sensitive, achy and in need of his touch. A throb began deep in her core. She leaned into him, letting his thick, heavily muscled chest take her weight.
His hand remained at the nape of her neck, while his other arm swept around her back and locked her to him. She had to tilt her head up so she could see his mouth. She could fixate on his mouth, especially because she knew his taste. Knew the way he kissed.
She slid her arms around his neck, pressing even closer, letting him hold her. Comfort her. Care for her. That’s what it felt like. At the same time, she felt a little like his prisoner. Surrounded by him. Taken by him. Branded by him.
Ignoring everything else that came into her mind, she concentrated on his mouth. His lips were full and sensual, his teeth very white and strong. There was nothing at all feminine about him; in fact, he looked fiercely male. She found her heart accelerating. Her stomach somersaulting. Her sex pulsed.
To block out her reaction to him, she moved the scant inches and brushed a kiss over his mouth. Then a second one. Her tongue touched the seam of his mouth and he opened to her. She was shy. She didn’t really know what she was doing, but she had the experience of kissing him and she followed his example. He let her take the initiative for a few mind-stopping seconds. She explored the heat of his mouth, teasing his tongue, tracing his teeth, kissing him because now she had to, not because he demanded it.