“Tell me, Andre. I want to know.”
He leaned into her and very gently took her face between his hands, his gaze capturing hers for a long minute. She felt herself falling into his eyes. He brushed his mouth over hers with infinite gentleness.
“Thank you, sivamet. You have already lightened my heart.”
He settled her more comfortably on his lap, wrapping his arms around her. She didn’t know if he was comforting her, or needed the comfort himself.
“In those days, life was very different. There were much fewer people in the area where I grew up. I had no other siblings. My mother hadn’t been able to have children and when she had me, something went wrong with her mind. Maybe something had always been wrong with her, I do not really know. According to those who knew her, she really withdrew from the world after that difficult birth. There was only my father for her. No one else could reach her.”
His hand found hers and he pulled it close to him, his fingers tight around hers. “I felt like the ghost they always call me. I was there, but not. She didn’t see me or acknowledge me in any way. My father was very occupied with her, so most of the time, I was a ghost to him as well.”
Teagan detested that. Her childhood had been one of love and laughter. She hadn’t known anyone called him “Ghost.” That bothered her, too. But mostly it was the way Andre spoke, as if none of it mattered to him. That wasn’t the cause of his sorrow. He didn’t reflect on his childhood as bad or good. It simply was.
“There were a lot of wars back then. Carpathians stayed out of them as much as possible. We had no interest in politics, but sometimes the fighting spilled over to our homes even though we were so remote.”
She listened intently. At least he hadn’t said “centuries ago,” which helped her concentrate on the story and keep everything else at bay.
“I was alone a lot. I wandered around on my own most of the time, but eventually I met a human family—the Boroi family.”
She pushed down her shock. Andre had introduced himself with that surname. She stayed quiet, wanting more now, needing to share his past.
“They lived in a little hut hidden deep in the forest. They had a few animals and not much else, but they were family.”
His hand slipped from hers to span her rib cage, just below her breasts. His chin nuzzled the top of her head.
“Much like the family you grew up with,” he added, “they loved one another fiercely. They were the closest I’d ever gotten to knowing what a family should be. I met their son, Euard, first. He was my age. His little sister, Elena, was a bit younger, and we all became good friends. They would come out at night and roam the forest with me. I was careful not to be anything but human. I protected our people, but Euard and Elena became my family.”
“What were they like?” Teagan asked gently, wanting him to remember something other than the horror of his only childhood memory—something warm and loving. His voice was very wooden, as if he was reaching to find the good part of his childhood.
He was silent a moment. She was in his mind and she felt him searching. Reaching. Trying to find those recollections. His fingers began a slow massage over her ribs. She felt them trailing absently to her belly button and back up to the undersides of her breasts. She knew he was completely absorbed in trying to remember his childhood friends and not paying any attention to his hands. She liked that he was using her as his anchor.
“Elena was beautiful and sweet. She laughed all the time. She liked to spin in circles with her arms out. I remember she would call to me and tell me to spin with her. Euard would shake his head like he thought she was crazy, but he’d spin with her just as I would. She brought joy to her parents and Euard. I knew because their faces lit up the moment she came into a room.”
His voice was soft and she could actually see Elena with him. She had long, dark hair and gleaming brown eyes. She was young, no more than ten or eleven. With her was a boy of about sixteen or seventeen.
The two memories came alive in Andre’s mind and instantly she felt, not joy, but intense sorrow. Overwhelming sorrow. Anger. Guilt. The emotions poured into him and she felt his body tense. Deliberately she relaxed and breathed deep, in and out, using her meditative breathing in the hopes his breathing would follow hers. She circled his neck with her arms and fit her face into his shoulder, trying to comfort him.
Already, her compassion and empathy for him had her close to tears. She had to hold it together. She knew the moment she fell apart, Andre would stop sharing. He was like that. If she was making a list of the reasons why she was so completely enamored with him, that would be one of the many reasons. She smoothed his hair and pressed a kiss to his throat before settling once again.
“She sounds beautiful.”
“She was like her mother. Dorina.” There was wonder in his voice. “I did not ever think I would forget her. I had never seen sunshine, but I knew, if I did, it would be like Dorina Boroi. She worked hard, the little tiny hut was clean and always smelled of good things. More than anything I can remember the smells. She must have known Euard and Elena were sneaking out at night because she followed them. She invited me home right away. Her husband, Ion, was just as wonderful to me as they were, although gruff and offhand, like I didn’t matter, but I did. I could tell. They all saw me.”
He rubbed the bridge of his nose. “I think she even knew I wasn’t human, but she welcomed me into her home and she made me one of them. She loved her children. She loved her husband. She came to love me. I could feel it every time I was in her home. She made me one of her children.”
His voice had gone soft and Teagan knew he loved Ion, Dorina, Euard and Elena as if they were his own family. That was why the memory was the only one he had left. The human family that “saw” him was far more real to him than the Carpathian couple he was only a ghost to. Her heart turned over for him. He had known love, he just hadn’t remembered until this moment. With her. He’d shared something personal and beautiful with her and she would always treasure that gift.
12
That night, I could not wait to go see them,” Andre continued. “My mother had wandered farther down a path that was far from even my father. He told me it was time he took her to another realm where they could be together again. He said I would be fine, that other couples would look out for me. He had made arrangements.”
Teagan pressed her lips together to keep from blurting anything out. She couldn’t imagine her grandmother ever treating her or her sisters that way. She felt the burn of tears and blinked rapidly, grateful her face was pressed against his shoulder and he couldn’t see her face.
“Csitri.”
There was that voice. All silk and velvet, brushing over her like his mouth might do. She shivered and burrowed closer, her stomach turning a little somersault and a melting sensation around her heart.
His arms tightened. “You are in my mind and I am in yours. Do not try to hide your tears from me. It was all a long time ago.”