He scrubbed his hand over his face. “Damn it all, I didn’t want to lose you. I could tell you I did it so you would be safe from Cordeau. I knew you wouldn’t agree to testify against him. I didn’t think you really knew anything of use. To anyone else I used that excuse, that I wanted you safe from him, but the honest fucking truth is, I didn’t want to lose you. I knew if you left, I’d never see you again.”
She sucked in her breath, her eyes glued to his face.
“That’s it. That’s the real reason. I’m not the white knight. I’m not even a good DEA agent. I’m the man who for the first time in my life wanted a woman for myself. You can’t know what my life is like, Cat. I’m alone all the time. I don’t have a clue about a real relationship. I’m a leopard, a shifter, so I’m bad-tempered and mean and sometimes violent. I can be as cold as ice or in a fiery rage. That’s the life of a shifter. There are few of us and most choose to stay within our kind, in lairs. I don’t have a lair. I don’t have friends. I do my job and I’m damn good at it, no regrets. Until you came along.”
“Eli,” she whispered. “Stop talking. I can’t process any more. I have to think about everything you’ve said. I’m very hurt and confused and feeling raw. I’m embarrassed about throwing myself at you, and the things you talk about scare the crap out of me.”
He frowned. “I’m not trying to frighten you, baby. I’m trying to make you see where my head was.”
“Not about that. About sex. You and me. That scares me.”
“I know,” he said gently.
“You said you wouldn’t hurt me, and you did.”
“I know,” he repeated, his voice dropping an octave. “You need to come out of there before the water cools down. I really don’t want you sore.”
He had no idea when her leopard would choose to push close to the surface again, or worse, emerge fully. She couldn’t be sore for that event. It would be wild and uninhibited, a primal joining and both human and leopard would claim their respective mates. There would be no turning back once Catarina’s leopard made her choice.
He removed a towel from a drawer and held it up. “Stand up.”
“I’d really prefer to do this alone,” she said.
“I know.” He stayed where he was, holding the towel so she could step out of the tub and he could dry her off.
“Stop saying ‘I know,’ that doesn’t really say anything at all,” she snapped, exasperated. “You just do whatever you want, don’t you?”
“Pretty much, yes.” He flashed a small smile. He loved her sass. Catarina broken tore his heart out. Catarina full of attitude made his body harder than a rock. “It’s the only way with you. I learned that from watching you in the dojo. You aren’t predictable at all. Like attacking me in your bedroom. That was the last thing I expected. And you did pretty well. I was proud of you.”
She pulled the plug on the tub, clearly resigned that he would stand there forever, which wasn’t true. If she hadn’t stood up, he would have hauled her ass out of there and then dried her off.
“I was proud of you getting out of the handcuffs as well. You’re no pushover, Cat, and you can’t be a pushover with a man like me, but bottom line, when it comes to your safety or health, you’re not going to win.”
“You’re back to being an arrogant jerk.”
He enfolded her in the towel and began to rub the material over her skin in order to remove the water. While he did he inspected her for marks and bruising. He crouched down and nudged her legs apart. She trembled.
“Put your hand on my shoulder, baby. I just want to make certain you’re okay. I’m not going to do anything you won’t like.”
“That’s not what I’m afraid of,” she said honestly.
He wrapped his hand around her calf and then ran his palm up to the inside of her thigh. He couldn’t imagine another woman being in her position and being so open with him. But then, she’d done that all along when it came to her emotions. She might have hid her past with Cordeau, but she didn’t hold back when the topic was about her and what she thought or felt.
He stroked the inside of her thigh and allowed himself to inhale her scent. Honey and spice. He would always want that, want her. No. He’d always crave her.
“I’d like to make breakfast now.” Her voice was tight. Clearly she was nervous.
“I’ll get you one of my shirts to wear. It’s warm and will cover you easily. I think if you let the air reach you you’ll heal faster.”
She considered his offer. In the end she took his flannel shirt when he handed it to her. It was soft and warm and far too big for her, fitting more like a short dress than a shirt. He rolled up the sleeves for her and walked her into the kitchen.
“You don’t have a phone anywhere that I can see,” she observed.
That told him she’d been looking for one. The only person he could think she might call was Cordeau. That didn’t sit well with him, but he kept his mouth shut.
“I live off the grid here. Totally self-sufficient. The water is gravity fed. Solar panels for electricity. I’ve got a garden in and I pay to have it kept up. Grow most of my own vegetables. I’m not here often, but when I quit work, this is where I plan to retire. My leopard has space to run free, and I like the quiet.”
“I like quiet too, as long as I have my coffee.”