a worried look in her eyes.
“Of course.” Although after his weird sleepwalking dream, the answer was more of a coin toss. “You should get back to bed. Sun isn’t up quite yet.” He retracted his hand and walked across the porch. Taking a deep breath, he leaned his forearms on the railing and raked a hand through his hair.
He twitched when she placed her hand to his back, but she didn’t back away. “What’s going on? You can tell me.” Her tone softened. “I did bare my soul on this very porch a few hours ago. You could do the same if you’d like.”
His eyes went to the tattoo on the inside of his forearm, and he straightened, tracing the letters of the inscription inked on his skin with his forefinger. “A lot of the guys got tattoos after Marcus died,” he said softly. “Liam got the lion. Everyone always said Marcus had the heart of one.”
“Marcus was the guy Asher replaced, right?” Adriana must have filled Ana in.
The day A.J. was recruited in 2013 by Jessica and Luke Scott to leave his SEAL platoon and work off-the-books missions popped to mind at her question. Not my fault you died, huh? But wasn’t it? “Yeah, but Marcus joined Scott and Scott because of me. I didn’t want to join without him, so Luke and Jessica made the offer to him as well. Marcus was one of the best trackers anyway. We needed him.” His stomach wrenched at the memory. “We were best friends. Went to college together. I was the best man at his wedding. So, you see, how could I start a new adventure without him?”
Her hands smoothed up and down his back in reassuring, comforting strokes.
“It’ll be six years in November since he’s been gone. We were on an op, and we needed recon near an alleged terrorist cell. To prevent drawing attention, and with no drones at our disposal, only one man was deployed. Marcus volunteered. Somehow, he was spotted, and he didn’t make it back. Captured and killed.” He was somewhat vague since the operation was top secret and not with Scott & Scott, but he owed her honesty after she’d opened up to him. “Marcus was one of the best of us. Said we had to earn the privilege of being a SEAL every day, not just on the day we got our trident.” He pointed to his tattoo. “This ink is a reminder to do that in his honor. Be the best man I can be every day, especially on the hardest days.”
She brushed a hand over his tattoo, eyes remaining frozen on his arm as if working through the weight of his words.
“And this black band was Marcus’s. We rotate wearing it in his memory,” he explained while Ana smoothed her thumb over the black band, which resembled rubber, though it was made from leather. “Weird thing is, ever since I bumped my head Saturday, I keep seeing Marcus. Feeling him everywhere.” A.J. blinked and squinted as his eyes burned with the threat of shedding his emotions. He’d witnessed her tears. Brushed them from her cheeks. But he rarely allowed his own tears to fall in the presence of others. And when possible, he used humor to fight off any painful memories that might provoke tears. “He was out here in that rocking chair talking to me. I swear it was real.”
She clutched A.J.’s forearms and turned her head to study the rocking chair for a moment. “For years, I saw and talked to my parents. I may have been furious with them, but they remained with me for the longest time.” She slid both hands up his arms to brace his biceps, eyes set on his green ones. “Everyone heals differently. You’re not crazy.”
“Marcus died six years ago. I feel like I might be a bit crazy.” He swallowed the knot in his throat.
She tightened her grip on his arms and held on to his eyes. “Maybe that knock on the head isn’t making you see things,” she began, “it’s just helping you finally process. Go through the stages of grief.”
“I grieved when he died.” He thought he did, at least. But hell . . .
“But for how long? Did you truly move on? Forgive yourself for your friend dying instead of you?”
And shit, the woman had multiple psychology degrees, so yeah, she knew a thing or two about this, but she treated him less like a patient and more like someone