“I don’t…” His eyes slide away before locking on mine, resolve shining bright. “I don’t have a girlfriend. Lacey and I broke up months ago.”
The light in his eyes dims as I shake my head, frowning. “You don’t have a girlfriend?”
“No,” he says, one word laced with guilt. His hand falls away.
As the news sinks in, my first reaction is: Yes! Sam is single!
My subsequent reaction is: Sam lied.
He’s been all over me but holding back, and he’s let me go on thinking I’m a crappy person for having designs on some girl’s boyfriend. Does Leigh know? Was that what her cryptic “let him explain” was all about? My temples throb. “I don’t understand. I thought, you know, the way we were, the way you were…” I lower my voice. “I thought you wanted me.”
He takes my hand and places it over the necklace he gave me, covering my fingers with his. “I want you, Nina. I swear to God, I’ve never wanted a girl the way I want you. I’m sorry I lied. Part of it was to make you feel more comfortable traveling with me, but that’s not the only reason. I’d like to explain…if you’ll let me.”
When I step back, his hand drops and he flinches. Unable to look at his stricken face, I study the sand at my feet, cataloguing the twigs and rocks among the grains.
If any other guy had led me on like this, I’d leave right now. I may not have the confidence to yell and scream, but I wouldn’t stick around to find out why he thought so little of me. But this is Sam. We’ve opened up to each other in ways we haven’t with other people. You can’t fake that kind of connection. That kind of bond. There has to be a good reason why he lied. Besides, Leigh told me to let him explain. The last thing she’d do is side with Sam without good reason, and she wouldn’t have come out to him if she didn’t think him worthy of the knowledge.
It’s time for some answers.
When I nod, he exhales. He intertwines our fingers and leads me to the hostel. We don’t talk. We glance at each other from time to time, our palms sweatier with each passing second, my heart hammering so hard I’m sure he feels it in his fingers.
Fifteen
Sam
We push into the hostel, and when I tug Nina to the right, she stops. “Where are we going? The lounge is up ahead.”
This should be interesting. After deciding to come clean tonight, I booked a private room in addition to our dorm beds. I’m not about to strip in a bathroom like I did with Leigh. I need some privacy to show Nina my legs and deal with her reaction. If things go the way I want, if she doesn’t look at me like I’m a freak, then she’s sleeping in my arms and waking up with me, whether she likes it or not.
I squeeze her hand. “I booked a private room. I’d like to talk in there.”
She frowns a moment, then says, “Okay.”
Once inside, I release her sweat-slicked palm and turn to lock the door. We stand side by side as she studies the small room with its queen-size bed, tiny adjoining bathroom, and gray walls decorated with New Zealand photos.
I nod to the bed. “Have a seat.”
She sits on the checkered gray-and-black comforter and fiddles with her fingers. She opens her mouth as if to speak, but when I start undoing my belt, she clamps her teeth shut. Her eyes almost pop out.
I’ve gone over a million ways to tell her about my legs: describing the accident in detail, explaining about Lacey and her reaction, even talking about burn victims and the road to recovery. None of them felt right. In the end, it’s all about owning my baggage the way I’ve forced Nina to own hers.
When I finish with my buckle and release the top button of my jeans, she finally finds her voice. She holds up her hand. “Sam…I thought we were going to talk. Like now? There’s a massive lie you need to explain, and I’m not sure I can concentrate if you take this Magic Mike show any further. In fact, I’m not even sure what I just said.”
I’m on the verge of maybe losing her, and still, she has me smiling. “This is me explaining, Nina. I need to show you something, and it’s not the raging hard-on I