she’s dragging her teeth over her bottom lip, deep in thought.
“Okay,” she says.
“Okay? Like, okay what?”
“Okay, I get it. And thanks for telling me the truth.” She hitches her shoulders higher and shivers from the cold.
Truth. Spineless asshole. The irony of the situation isn’t lost on me. Here I’ve been forcing her to take control of her life and own her crazy, while I’m running from my shadow. I hate being this guy. The Sam before the accident never would have shied away from Nina. That Sam was fifty percent cocky, fifty percent charm, and all precision on the football field. Now I’m more fifty-fifty coward and menopausal woman.
In time, I’ll tell her. In a week or two. When I have her where I want her, I’ll show her my legs and hope for the best. Hope revulsion doesn’t blanket her face. I have a sinking feeling it would make the downward spiral I hit after Lacey’s rejection feel like a kiddie ride.
I nudge her shoulder. “What do you say we try the spooning thing again to warm up?”
She purses her lips. “There are rules now.”
“Rules?”
“No, sorry, rule. One rule.”
I raise my eyebrow in question.
“No forking,” she says. “None whatsoever, dry or otherwise. Keep your horny bits to yourself. If, or when, you end things with Lacey, we can revise said rule.”
“Just the one rule?”
“Yeah, but it covers all sexy stuff. It’s a blanket rule.”
“Okay. Fine. Blanket rule. Now get over here.” I tug her against my chest, my erection already straining for her. I shove the loose covers of the sleeping bags between us. “I can’t control my dick, though. He’s got a mind of his own and thinks you’re hot. If he nudges you from time to time, I’ll try to rein him in.”
“God, Sam. You’re breaking the rule after barely a minute.”
“No I’m not. There will be no forking. Scout’s honor. But I can talk about forking. And imagine forking. I think about us forking a lot.”
“You’re impossible.” I can tell she’s smiling.
“Yeah, I know.” I hug her tighter.
We breathe in time, her back swelling into my chest.
“Sam,” she says suddenly. “Tell me something about your mother. Anything. One of your favorite memories.”
A gust of wind billows the tent, the rain picking up again. She clasps my hand and threads our fingers together. The fingers I didn’t realize I was clenching.
I press my chin to the top of her head and swallow. “Twelfth grade. I was grounded because she found out I skipped a bunch of classes, but there was an epic party that night. Just down the street. No way was I going to sit in my room while my friends were partying. So I snuck out my window, almost killing myself in the process. A few beers into the party, the entire room fell silent, the people parting like the Red fucking Sea. My mother stood with her arms crossed, glaring at me.”
I shake my head and find myself smiling. It’s nice to think about my mom, to remember her and not turn it into a cry-fest like often happens with my cousin James. He’s the only person I can talk to about her, but it’s always so draining. I can’t bring things up with my dad, unless I want to watch the man fall apart. My sister deals with her loss by burying it. She avoids the subject at all costs. Although my friends are cool, silence descends if the topic of mothers comes up. Or football. Or girlfriends. That’s another reason I needed this trip. I couldn’t take the worried looks and awkward moments—everyone treating me with kid gloves because I can’t play ball anymore. Because Lacey dumped me. Because my mother died.
I’m not sure if Nina senses my need to talk about this shit, to remember my mom, but I’m grateful she asked the question. I hold her tight as I recall that night. “So my mom dragged me out by the neck of my shirt, still hadn’t said a word, and we were down the street about half a block when she sat on the street curb. She pulled me down beside her. I was still holding my beer. I mean, I was shitting bricks at the sight of her in the house and was too scared to do anything but follow her out the door. Anyway, she grabbed it and chugged the entire thing. Like a pro. It was awesome.”
I sandwich her hand between both of mine, and she leans