from making conversation. When Ben wasn’t reading or sleeping, he was staring out the window, outright refusing to meet Alex’s gaze. No attempts at seduction were forthcoming, and it felt as if their night at Mother Morton’s had become nothing more than a distant memory—one as cloudy and far away as their past encounters.
But he was home now. Despite the longing, perpetual ache he’d suffered, his years at Vautrey Park with Katherine had also offered solace. His childhood home, the place that had always kept him safe from the world, opened its arms and accepted Alex into its warm embrace. That Ben seemed determined to hang over their time like a dark storm cloud didn’t ruin Alex’s happiness at being here. With distance between them and other distractions, there was nothing to do but face one another. Ben would resist, but Alex was more determined now than ever.
Ben had perked up the moment they’d reached Vautrey lands, gaze sharp as he took in the scenery. The weather was pleasant, fluffy clouds and a beaming sun illuminating the splendor of the ancestral seat. The weight of being responsible for so much land and the people depending on it for their livelihood never eased. Alex had been made aware of what his inheritance meant from the time he was old enough to understand. Once he’d come to recognize his preference for men over women, Alex had shunned the expectation of marriage and children. He’d never wished to subject a lady to life with a man who couldn’t truly love or appreciate her as she deserved.
Alex had been content to be as good an earl as he could, managing his holdings so that his uncle or cousin would come into a prosperous inheritance. Having a legacy to pass down to a son hadn’t been important to him. Even taking his place as the rightful earl had paled in comparison to his true aspirations.
Glancing to the other side of the carriage, Alex was startled to find Ben looking at him for what felt like the first time this entire trip.
“It’s beautiful,” Ben said. “And enormous. I can see why it was so important to you.”
Alex winced at the unspoken taunt threaded through Ben’s words. It was important enough for you to give me up. Alex glimpsed the house as the carriage rounded the circular drive—perfect and secure, his haven in a world that forced him to make impossible choices.
“It wasn’t important to me,” he whispered, pangs of regret making his chest echo with a pulsing ache. “The house, the title, the money … I was prepared to give it all up for you.”
“But you didn’t,” Ben reminded him tersely.
The door swung open to reveal the waiting footman, and Alex’s butler hovering in the opening of the front door.
“No,” Alex murmured just before stepping down. “I didn’t.”
He wanted to add that he regretted it but stopped short, knowing it to be a lie. Alex still believed he had made the best decision he could have at the time. Reminding himself of what had been at stake, he took solace in knowing that his decision hadn’t been selfish or even self-preserving. Soon, Ben would be made to understand that.
They were greeted by Hodge the butler, who offered a crisp bow as Alex and Ben ascended the white front steps. “Welcome home, my lord. All is prepared for you and your guest, as requested in the note you sent ahead.”
“Very good, Hodge. This is Mr. Sterling, and he will be in residence for several weeks. I did not realize we’d have an additional guest, but please ensure that accommodations are made for Mr. Fisher.”
Hodge followed Alex’s gaze to the pudgy man heaving himself out of the second carriage. He emitted a sharp whistle while slapping a dusty hat onto his head, gazing around in wonderment. Hodge’s face didn’t shift a bit, but Alex was familiar with his moods. The slight tick of his left cheek always gave him away, and he clearly found this new guest to be beneath his distinguished master.
Ever the consummate professional, Hodge gave an acquiescing nod. “Of course, my lord.”
“I’ll need a place to train,” Ben put in. “A large room with a lot of open space. Preferably without a collection of precious knickknacks that run the risk of being broken. Fisher has trunks of equipment to store as well.”
“Of course,” Alex replied before turning back to Hodge. “Ensure that the designated trunks are taken to the gallery. The maids will clean it