She has goals. She is constantly wanting to be the best at whatever she is doing,” Dad says. “I’ve never seen a girl hustle the way she does. If she wants something, she gets it, and you knew that from the start. I mean, she’s been in love with you since she was a kid, and look who she is marrying.”
“I couldn’t say it better,” Shea adds. “She may have everything she will ever need financially, but she has to fill her soul. You can’t keep her from doing that, or she’ll be unhappy. And you don’t want that.”
“I don’t, and I’d never keep her from her dreams,” I promise. “I know that she’s going to go, and I’ll be front row opening night. But she lied, she tried to keep it from me, when we both know she’s going to do it.”
Shea whistles, and my dad shakes his head. “She is probably struggling with it, too. I’m sure she also loves the life you two are building. With her leaving for half a year at the least, that throws a huge wrench into your plans. She doesn’t want to be the one to do that.”
“Yeah, but she also can’t ignore her dreams,” I add with a sigh. “I just miss her so much when she’s gone.”
“But it makes being together when you are even better,” Shea supplies with a grin. “But now, there is so much technology, it’ll be way easier.”
“And you guys were great through the last stint she did. You traveled to each other when you could and talked at every waking moment. What are you worried about?”
That she’ll love New York more than me.
I swallow hard, knowing good and well they’re right. Problem is, my insecurities are fucking with me. I can’t say that, though; I don’t want them to think I’m weak. They already think I’m spoiled, which I guess I am. Spoiled by the love and time of a great person whom I want to thrive and live her dreams. I love that she is talented. I love that when she sees something she wants, she works to get it. I love her drive, I love her passion—these are all qualities that make me fall for her over and over again. Everything she does, she does with passion, and it’s incredible to see. I know she’ll knock that role out of the park. She’ll leave people in awe because of her talent and need to be the best.
I just wish her dreams were here with me. Or of me with her.
“I just thought we were gonna focus on us, moving forward and all.”
“But you have to remember, you’re two individuals becoming one. That doesn’t mean that your drive or her dreams stop, if that makes sense,” Dad says, holding my gaze. “For shits and giggles, if you got traded, would you expect her to go with you?”
My stomach clenches. “I would, but I also wouldn’t want her to give up her ownership of the team.”
“Precisely. She’s young. She’s still trying to figure things out.”
“The great thing is,” Shea adds, cupping my shoulder, “she wants to do it all with you by her side. I know it’s hard to grasp. I know it’s frustrating that she lied, and that’s something you’ll need to discuss with her, but you also need to decide before you walk down that aisle if you are able to accept her being who she is as your wife.”
My heart stops at his accusation, but before I can even mutter anything, my dad is right there. “I don’t think there is an issue with that. He doesn’t want to be apart. He is very much behind her dreams and her desires.”
“Absolutely. I love Shelli, Shea. I want nothing but for her to have all the joy in the world. Like you guys said, I’ve been spoiled with her around so much, and it’s going to be hard to switch gears again.”
Shea nods slowly, though his gaze never leaves mine. “I trust you.”
His words are heavier than a frozen puck on a sheet of ice over a pond.
And I feel them as if he is shooting that puck straight into my nuts.
I swallow hard as I look away. I don’t want to let Shea or my dad down. I can’t even fathom doing that. Like Shelli, I strive to be the best. I regret walking away this morning. I should have stayed and talked. I should have fixed this before either of us