are merely the words of a man trying to reach out from the darkness into the only light he remembers. You must have written it when your waking self still functioned as Nicholas."
"My waking self? What an innocuous way of putting it, Doctor. Aren't you glossing over the facts here? The fact that I have no recollection of half of my life, the fact that I can wake, eat, sleep, breathe, and perform any and every type of depraved act then conveniently wash the slate clean by forgetting all of it?"
"I have seen no evidence of depraved acts, Cole. Was one of those depraved acts saving a young woman's life? Not once but possibly twice?"
"What do you mean?"
"Trissa. You are kindred spirits, it seems. Her background is different only in degree from yours. From the bits of the story she has given me and those I got from a counselor who spoke with her here, you -- or rather, the evil Nicholas -- rescued that girl from a suicide attempt after her father had--"
"No. I don't want to hear it."
"Why not? This letter you wrote to me, from out of the grip of your Mr. Hyde, is postmarked the day after she was admitted to this hospital suffering from injuries caused by that attempt. And a few days ago, as far as we can judge, Nicholas struck again. You went in that girl's place to meet her father despite threats to your own life and you were beaten to near death for your trouble."
With some effort, Cole pulled his legs up from the floor and pushed himself back in the bed. His arm flung over his eyes to shield them, he shut himself away from Fitapaldi and any version of the truth that contradicted his own. "And maybe killed her father in the process. I'm very tired, Doctor. Could you crank down my bed and turn out the light as you leave?"
"Very well, Cole, I will leave you for now." Fitapaldi shoved his hands in his pockets. "But I'll be back. And so will she. You're almost in sight of life now, Cole. You can't cast yourself adrift from it forever. I won't let you. And neither will she."
"We'll see," was all Cole would say.
Chapter Seventeen
After a cordial dinner with Augusta and her housemates, Dr. Fitapaldi met with Trissa in the small, but charming second floor solarium. Her face felt puffy with sleep and her eyes still bleary from the time she had spent crying since he had last seen her. Still, she managed a welcoming smile, and when he stood and extended a hand to her, she tamed all but the slightest tremble in her grasp as he drew her in for a comforting hug.
When they settled in two armchairs on either side of a tea table Augusta had loaded with cake, sliced fruit, and chocolate mints, Fitapaldi took up the snifter of brandy Augusta had brought him and Trissa sipped a cup of tea.
"What must I do, Doctor?"
"It will be a long road. And I must admit, though it may seem cold to call it so, that your father's murder is an intrusive complication."
"It was never my father's way to make things easier for me. I could not expect him to change even in death."
"Then you do not blame Cole?"
She leaned forward to set her cup emphatically on the table. "Even if he did it, it would be a matter for rejoicing, not blame. Do you think me heartless?"
"Never heartless. Not after the heart you have shown me since I arrived. Your feelings toward your father are understandable."
"When I heard he was dead, it made me so lightheaded I fainted. I think it was the sudden lifting of the fear I've carried with me for so long. These tears of mine that never seem to dry -- not one of them is for my father. Not one."
"You mourn the loss of Nicholas. That's the source of your tears."
"Yes, but he's not gone so far away. Sometimes I think I see him just beyond the shadows in his eyes. And when he held me..." She hugged herself with the memory.
"He is there, Trissa. Cole and Nicholas are the same. What he must do is somehow find peace with that truth, to find a way to live with all his memories. You can help him do that."
"How? All I know how to do is to love him."
"In the end, that love will mean more than anything I or anybody can