can’t blame the Old Families for striking back at the Mage however we can.
Anyway, I told Fiona that I’d do it. That I’d go up to the Mage’s office and look around, even if it was pointless.
“Take something,” she said, gripping her steering wheel.
I was in the back seat, so I could see only a slice of her face in the rearview mirror. “Take what?”
She shrugged. “Doesn’t matter. Take something.”
“I’m not a thief,” I said.
“It’s not thieving—that office is hers, it’s yours. Take something for me.”
“All right,” I said.
I almost always go along with Fiona in the end. The way she misses my mother keeps her alive for me.
* * *
But tonight I’m too tired to do Fiona’s bidding.
And too jumpy. I can’t shake the feeling that I’m being followed—that whoever it was who paid the numpties to take me will try again.
By the time I’m done in the Catacombs, it feels like I’m dragging my own corpse up the tower steps to our room.
Snow’s asleep when I come in.
Normally I shower in the mornings, and he showers at night.
We’ve got the dance all worked out, after so many years. Moving around the room without touching or talking or looking at each other. (Or at least not looking at each other while the other is paying attention.)
But there are cobwebs in my hair tonight, and I was so thirsty that I got blood under my nails when I fed.
That hasn’t happened since I was 14, not since I was just getting the hang of this. I can usually drain a polo pony without staining my lips.
I move around the room quietly. As much as I enjoy disturbing Snow, tonight I just need to clean off and get some sleep.
I never should’ve tried to make it through a full day of classes. My leg’s gone numb, and my head is killing me. Maybe it’s good that Coach Mac won’t take me back on the team, if I can’t even manage seven hours in a desk. (He looked sad when I showed up at practice. And suspicious. He said I was on probation.)
I take a quick, quiet shower, and when I climb into bed, I feel every bone in my body groan happily.
Crowley, I missed this bed. Even though it’s dusty and lumpy, with goose quills that sneak through the ticking and poke you.
My bedroom at home is enormous. All the furniture at home is hundreds of years old, and I’m not allowed to hang anything up or move anything around because it’s all registered with the National Trust. Every few years or so, the local paper comes in and does an article.
My bed there is heavy and draped, and if you look close, you’ll find forty-two gargoyles carved into the trim. There used to be a step stool at the head because the bed was too tall for me to climb into by myself.
This bed, at Watford, is more mine than that one ever was.
I roll over onto my side, facing Snow. He’s sleeping, so it doesn’t matter if I stare at him. Which I do. Even though I know it doesn’t do me any good.
Snow sleeps in a knot: his legs pulled up and his fists drawn in, shoulders hunched high, head tucked low, and his hair a crush of curls on the pillowcase. What little moonlight there is catches on his tawny skin.
There was no light with the numpties. Just one endless night of pain and noise and blood.
I’m at least half dead, I think. I mean, just normally, when I’m walking around and feeling good—I’m at least half gone.
When I was in that coffin, I pushed myself closer.
I let myself slip away.…
Just to stay sane. Just to get through it.
And when I felt myself slipping too far, I held on to the one thing I’m always sure of—
Blue eyes.
Bronze curls.
The fact that Simon Snow is the most powerful magician alive. That nothing can hurt him, not even me.
That Simon Snow is alive.
And I’m hopelessly in love with him.
33
BAZ
The operative word there is “hopeless.”
That was evident the moment I realized I’d be the one who was most miserable if I ever succeeded in doing Snow in.
It dawned on me during our fifth year. When Snow followed me around like a dog tied to my ankle. When he wouldn’t give me a single moment of solace to sort through my feelings—or try to wank them away. (Which I eventually tried that summer. To no avail.)
I wish I’d never figured it