torn screen would be a logical place to lie down when one’s head was swimming with measurement figures and descriptions.
It was a proper workspace for the highly improper business they were about to conduct. Anyone inspecting the room would be convinced it was Captain Durant’s new office, but Maris had instructed the servants that they did not want to be disturbed. The sooner they finished the inventory, the sooner the earl could be satisfied as to what the entire Kelby Collection contained. The staff knew of Henry’s frail health, and if knowledge of what all the boxes held could add to his life, they were all for it.
A bit breathless, Maris climbed the last stair and opened the heavy door. A rush of cold air greeted them.
“I was half asleep in school, but I could swear the masters told us hot air rises,” the captain quipped behind her.
“There is a working fireplace in the room . . . the room you will use,” Maris replied. “You should be quite comfortable.”
“It’s not me I’m worried about.”
“It is not I.”
“What?”
“The verb to be—think of it as an equal sign. The subject and the pronoun must agree.”
“Ah. You’ve fobbed me off as an historian. I cannot be responsible for grammar and mathematics as well.”
So, he was not entirely stupid, and had a bit of wit as well.
But she refused to smile back at him. “Do you want to tour the attics first, or . . . or . . .”
“I am not going to leap upon you, Lady Kelby. Not today. Perhaps not even tomorrow. When were your last courses?”
Maris stopped in her tracks. “I beg your pardon?”
“Your menses. I believe that’s a correct term. There’s been a debate over the centuries when a woman’s optimal time to conceive is. Augustine of Hippo even waded into it. St. Augustine, you know. I’m afraid my schoolmates and I ignored his philosophy, but were very interested in his views on conception. We all wanted to have carnal relations, but none of us wanted to be fathers, as you might expect. We were children ourselves. I believe the prevailing theory is that a woman is the most fertile directly after her courses have ceased for the month, but one cannot be sure of anything when it comes to the mysteries of women.”
Maris pulled a face. “Well, it’s pointless then. It’s been well over a week. I cannot believe we are discussing such a subject. It’s . . . unseemly.”
“I’m afraid we’re apt to get unseemlier as the days go by. Do you suppose that’s a word? If it isn’t, it should be.”
“Stop making jokes, Captain! This is serious business.”
“Aye, it is—which is why jokes are so necessary. You are thinking far too hard, Lady Kelby. You shouldn’t be afraid. Coitus is ridiculous in itself. ‘To shoot betwixt wind and water,’ ‘to dance the goat’s jig, ’ ‘to take a turn in Cupid’s alley’ are all euphemisms for what is sweaty and messy and necessary for the continuation of the human race. But not dignified. It’s never dignified. You can forget all those paintings of angels and amorous couples in their flowered bowers. Cupid is having a chuckle at all our expense, stripping us naked with all our warts and bumps and lumps on display.”
If that was Durant’s attempt at getting her to relax, he was failing badly.
“You forget I’ve seen you naked already,” Maris pointed out.
“And did you like what you saw?”
Odious man. “I am sure you are adequate for the occasion.”
The captain rumbled in laughter. “I see you will be a difficult mountain to climb, Lady Kelby. You are obdurate—granite itself— with lots of icy patches to keep me unbalanced. I believe it will be a worthwhile trip to your summit, though. I’ve been entrusted with your safekeeping . . . and your pleasure.”
“M-my pleasure!” Maris did not intend to derive one moment’s pleasure out of the next few weeks. “Do you think likening me to rock will smooth your path?”
“I’m just being honest. I think we owe that to each other.”
“We owe each other nothing.” Except the extra money he will get once this was all done. Maris didn’t approve of Henry’s generous impulse to sweeten the already sugary deal, but one couldn’t argue with Henry and win very often.
“Suppose we stop disagreeing. Why don’t you conduct me through all this? Are the boxes we are to open all in the same place?”
Maris shook her head. “Not really, but they’re all clearly marked. Most