Her expression becomes pinched. As if I’ve confused her all over again. “I don’t understand. Then...why haven’t you had sex? Clearly you’ve had plenty of opportunities.”
For such a smart girl, Demi can be kind of dense. Apparently, I’m going to have to spell it out for her. And here I thought revealing that I was a damn virgin would be the hardest part of the evening.
“I’ve always had my eye on someone. Since I’ve never wanted anyone more than her,” I jerk my shoulders, “I waited.” Even as the words tumble out of my mouth, they sound absurd and farfetched. No one on campus could get laid easier than me and yet, I’ve chosen to remain celibate.
What red-blooded, college-aged guy does that?
None I’m acquainted with.
Then again, I don’t exactly broadcast my status. Demi is the only person who knows I’m a virgin. It’s always been a well-kept secret. Not one I’m ashamed of, but still...
Our gazes cling as the tension simmering in the air ratches up a couple hundred notches. Demi becomes perfectly still as she sits perched on my lap. My hands fasten around her waist to keep her in place. Now that I’ve made the big reveal, I’m half-afraid it’ll be too much for her to take in, and she’ll bolt.
When I can’t stand another moment of the suffocating silence that blankets us, I blurt, “Aren’t you going to ask who the girl is?”
She shakes her head, and all of the hope rising inside me bursts like an overinflated balloon before crashing back to earth with a painful thud. Not only have I made it obvious that I have feelings for her. I told her I’m a virgin.
Fuck me.
This isn’t good.
Especially since it’s pretty damn obvious by her refusal to ask who the girl is that she’s not interested. And that’s cool. If I’ve learned anything over the years, it’s that you can’t force feelings that aren’t there to begin with.
“You know what?” Regretting my overshare, I clear my throat. “It’s late. I should probably take off.” I want to go home and lick my wounds in private. After this debacle, it’s doubtful I’ll ever put myself out there again. Who the hell needs this shit?
So, yeah...I’m more than ready to flee the scene of the crime. And the way she continues to gape at me like I’ve grown a horn on my forehead isn’t helping matters either. It only makes me feel like a humongous dumbass for choosing to disclose the truth.
Seriously, what the hell had I been thinking?
For once in my life, I allowed the wrong head to make the decisions.
When I can’t stand the oppressiveness for another moment, I tighten my grip on her hips and lift Demi from my lap before carefully setting her down next to me. Then I pop to my feet, ready to fly through the front door like a bat out of hell. I need distance from the pain and humiliation pumping through me.
As I take a hasty step toward freedom, her voice halts me in my tracks. “Why don’t you stay here for the night?”
Surprised by the offer, I flick my gaze over my shoulder.
“It’s late,” she clears her throat, “I’ll sleep in Dad’s room, and you can take mine.”
No way. It’s a shit idea. The best course of action is to return home and drink enough to forget this incident ever transpired.
Blackout drunk is the new plan for the evening.
“All right, I’ll stay.”
Goddamn it.
I’d really like to kick my own ass right now.
20
Demi
I stare sightlessly at the ceiling as the conversation from earlier plays through my head as if it’s on a constant loop. There’s no way that Rowan Michaels is a virgin.
How is it possible that I’ve slept with more people than the campus player?
And to be clear, I’ve had sex with a whopping five guys.
Five.
That’s it.
No matter how many times I squeeze my eyes closed and try to turn off my thoughts, they refuse to be banished. They circle through my head like hungry sharks.
Aren’t you going to ask who the girl is?
Instead of having the balls to hear the truth, I’d shaken my head, too frightened to take the conversation any further. Deep down, I had known what it would be. Once everything was out in the open, there would be no going back. We would only be able to move forward. And I’m unsure how to do that.
In the hour since I left Rowan at the threshold of my childhood room, I’ve come