violating the speeding laws, either, so Montana set the fine at five dollars per violation. If one of the state’s four traffic cops nails you for doing a hundred and twenty-five miles an hour in a fifty-five zone, it costs you five bucks.”
“Reasonable,” Ray said.
“Very reasonable, but here’s the point I’m trying to make. Just so no one’s grossly inconvenienced, neither the motorist nor the arresting officer, the fine may be collected on the spot. You pull me over, I give you five dollars, and I go on my way.”
“An’ everybody’s happy,” Ray said.
“Exactly. And the state’s best interests are served. Admirable, wouldn’t you say?”
“In a manner of speakin’, yeah.”
“Officer,” Gregory Tsarnoff said, “if the Assyrian is only going to forfeit bond, perhaps he could post it directly, without going through the usual channels.”
“I’ll tell you this,” Ray said. “It’s irregular.”
“But expedient, surely.”
“I don’t know about that,” he said, “but it’d get the job done.”
“Tiglath,” Charlie Weeks said, “how much dough have you got on you?”
“You mean money?”
“No, I’m thinking about starting a bakery. Yes, I mean money. You came here thinking you’d have a chance to bid on those bearer shares. How much did you bring?”
“Not so much. I am not a rich man, Charlie. Surely you know that.”
“Don’t dick around, Tiggy, it’s late in the game for that. What are you carrying?”
“Ten thousand.”
“That’s U.S. dollars, I hope. Not Anatrurian tschirin.”
“Dollars, of course.”
“What about you, Gregorius?”
“A little more than that,” Tsarnoff said. “But can you possibly be suggesting that I help raise bail money for the Assyrian? He wrote my name in blood!”
“Yeah, but credit where it’s due, Gregorius. He spelled it wrong. Do I think you should kick in? Yes, I do.” He frowned. “You know what else I think? I think there’s too many people in the room. We need a private conference, Gregorius. You and me and Tiggy and Officer Kirschmann here.”
“And Wilfred.”
“If you prefer, Gregorius.”
“An’ Bernie,” Ray said.
“And the weasel, to be sure.”
I steered everybody else to my office in the back. That didn’t seem fair to Ilona and Michael, but they didn’t seem to mind, Ilona smiling her ironic smile while the king looked as though he’d suffered a light concussion. Between them they were less irritated than Carolyn and Mowgli, who were unhappy to be missing the next act.
I left them admiring the portrait of St. John of God, the patron saint of booksellers, and got back in time to hear Weeks explaining that he had the bearer shares. “Michael’s a nice fellow,” he was saying, “but that family was never loaded with smarts. After I heard about the burglary attempt, I told him I wanted to check the portfolio. I haven’t given it back to him yet, and when I do the shares won’t be in it.”
Tsarnoff stroked his big chin. “Without the account number—”
“Without the number the shares are just paper, but who’s to say there’s no one alive who knows the number? For that matter, who’s to say you can’t create a hairline fissure in the rock-solid walls of the Swiss banking system? If the three of us threw in together…”
“You and I, sir? And the Assyrian?”
Weeks was smiling furiously. “Be like old times,” he said. “Wouldn’t it, now?”
“Well, now,” Ray said, and there was a knock on the door. I looked up, and the knock was repeated, louder. I gave a dismissing wave, but the large young man at the door refused to be dismissed. He knocked again.
I went to the door, cracked it a few inches. “We’re closed,” I said. “Private meeting, not open for business today. Come back tomorrow.”
He held up a book. “I just want to buy this,” he said. “It’s off that table there, fifty cents, three for a buck. Here’s a buck.”
I pushed the money back at him. “Please,” I said.
“But I want the book.”
“Take the book.”
“But—”
“It’s a special,” I said. “Today only. Take it, it’s free. Please. Goodbye.”
I closed the door, turned the lock. I turned back to the five of them and found they’d made their deal. Rasmoulian had taken off his trench coat and was hunting under his clothes for a money belt. Wilfred handed a manila envelope to his employer, who opened it and began counting hundred-dollar bills. Weeks drew a similar stack of bills from his pocket, removed a rubber band, licked his thumb, and began counting.
“I wish I knew why the hell I was doing this,” Weeks said. “I’ve got all the money I need. What the hell