Breathe Me Smith and Belle (Royals Saga #11) - Geneva Lee Page 0,55

I’d like you to take a little quiet time for yourself every day. Walk around the village.”

“We live in the country. We just bought Thornham.”

His head tilted ever so subtly, and I found myself thinking about Tomas’s reaction to me telling him the same thing. Maybe everyone in town knew Thornham. Maybe they gossiped about the rich Londoners who lived there. I could only imagine what people said about us. I could only imagine how much worse it would be when they found out that I was practically in the loony bin.

“Thornton has lovely grounds,” he continued casually, making me wonder if I’d imagined it entirely. “Take a walk down to the pond.”

“I didn’t even know there was a pond. You must know Thornham better than I do,” I said, doing my best to have a normal social interaction. He thought I could solve this all by taking a walk. He had more faith than I did.

“I recall when the Thorns still lived on the property, but that was decades ago,” he said. “It must’ve been some work to get the house into shape.”

“We barely finished before the baby came,” I admitted.

“It sounds like you’ve had a stressful year,” he said. “A new baby, a new house—it would be enough to make anyone anxious. That’s why I would also like to prescribe antidepressants to you.”

I fought the urge to tell him no. Instead, I opted for voicing a more reasonable concern. “Is it safe for me to take them? I’m still nursing.”

“I think you would do better to ask if it is safe for the baby for you not to take them.”

I couldn’t argue with that. Instead, I swallowed again, hoping not to burst into tears in front of the doctor a second time.

“How are you sleeping?”

“How am I supposed to be sleeping?” I said dryly. I might not have been prepared for all the changes my life would encounter when I had Penny, but I’d known I would be getting less sleep.

“It seems you have help, but it’s always difficult to rest with an infant in the house,” he said, obviously referring to Nora. “And is your husband…"

“He’s very helpful,” I said swiftly. In truth, Smith deserved more credit than I did. He certainly tried harder.

“I’d like to prescribe a sleeping tablet as well,” he said. “You should only take it when you feel like you need to get very well rested or to catch up on sleep. Times when the baby is with her nanny or her father perhaps.

I wanted to argue with him about that. A sleeping pill sounded even worse than antidepressants, but the thought of actually getting rest was too tempting.

"Now, am I going to meet this little one?” he asked.

I squared my shoulders before nodding. I’d had my moment alone. The doctor was going to give me things to fix me. There was no reason I should dread Nora bringing the baby in now. Still, when Dr. Stanton stuck his head out and called for Marjorie to send them in, I had the strangest urge to run. But the moment that Nora appeared with Penny, the feeling evaporated. Maybe I didn’t have everything figured out yet, but seeing my daughter sent warmth spreading through my chest. My bliss was short-lived as the doctor began his examination, which resulted in Penny screaming her head off in indignation.

I felt terrible, but I couldn’t help giggling at how upset she got when he weighed her. My good humor vanished when he frowned. “Her weight is a little less than we would like to see at this stage. I’m going to give you a few recommendations for some herbs that will help you increase your milk supply, and I’d like you to bring her back in two weeks for another weight check.”

Despite Dr. Stanton's continued assurances that there was nothing to worry about, I left the clinic clutching orders for multiple things from the pharmacy with a newfound guilt over Penny’s lack of weight gain. If I’d been more with it, I would have noticed. I tried to tell myself that Smith hadn’t noticed and neither had Nora. We’d no reason to suspect anything was wrong until the doctor told us, but I kept thinking of Marjorie’s words. If something was wrong she would have let us know. Had she been trying to? Had the screaming and crying and night waking been her attempts? Had I been too busy feeling sorry for myself to realize that my baby