The Boyfriend Designer - Christopher Harlan Page 0,68
male equivalent of camel toe.”
“Wrong again,” I tell her. “That would be a wedgie.”
“But wedgies are gender neutral. Anyone can get them. I have one right now, so it can’t be the reverse of camel toe.”
“Well maybe there is no reverse of camel toe. Not everything has an opposite. And, if there were such a thing it would have to be. . . actually, you might be right now that I think of it—pants that cling to your package for the world to see might be the male camel toe.”
“See. I win.”
“It’s not a competition.”
“Maybe not to you,” she says, smiling. “What do you have planned for today?”
“Wow, that was a real shift in conversation topic.”
“Why? We covered our bases—blow jobs, male camel toe, the fact that you took every inch of my pussy last night, we had coffee. . .”
“Excuse me, I did not. You took it, not me.”
“Whatever helps you sleep at night. And speaking of sleep, I was out like a baby.”
“That’s funny,” I tell her. “I slept like crap. I kept waking up and thinking about everything I have to do.”
“You mean like help the pack find food and protect the females from other alphas who want to invade.”
“You’re a serious pain in my ass, you know that?”
“Of course I do, silly, I’m a pain in everyone’s ass. Now I need to go get dressed.”
“Leaving already?” I ask.
“I also have things to do. Like teaching Sabina some more behind the scenes stuff.”
“She’s really picking things up from you, huh?”
“Who better to learn from?”
I feel like messing with her a little—just cause it’s so fun. “If she really wanted to learn from the best she’d intern with me.”
“Sorry, she doesn’t want to learn about swag gaits and junk cream—she actually wants to learn vlogging, so I think she’ll be sticking with me.”
I walk up, grab her by the waist and pull her close to me. I press my lips up against hers. “There’s only one vlog king, baby. And you took two thirds of his dick last night. Remember that.”
Conor—A Month Later
“I was wearing New Balance sneakers and rocking a pedophile mustache.”
I’m so psyched!
I just got a call from my agent that I’m getting a sponsorship from a very very popular men’s underwear line. Not only are they going to sponsors my videos, they’re going to make me their official spokesperson. I get to integrate my Alpha logo on a limited-edition underwear line. That’s huge—no pun.
James just broke the news at our weekly lunch where we catch up on business and what’s going on moving forward. “You’re about to blow up. Like, really blow up,” he told me.
“This is so ridiculous. Remember when we started this thing?”
“Of course I do. I was wearing New Balance sneakers, had a pedophile mustache that I was wearing way too proudly, and a dad bod even though I was in my early twenties. I remember like it was yesterday.”
“It’s insane, man, it really is. There were no followers, or merch, or signings, or anything else. Just you and me and a stupid idea we basically stole from a movie. Now it’s a bona fide career.”
That was an hour ago. After celebrating my sponsorship and mapping out the next few months, I’m back at my place editing my latest video when I hear a knock at the door. For a second, I think it’s Shoshana but I know that I’m not supposed to see her until later on. She told me she was hanging out with Tori, so this shouldn’t be her, or anyone else. Maybe it’s that box of merch I ordered for giveaways. Yes!
But, when I open the door, I don’t see my regular UPS guy greeting me with a box of my alpha stuff, I see a face that makes me jump back. Just a little, anyhow. Alphas don’t actually jump back.
“Jessica?” She lets out a little howl and, for a second, I imagine hitting her with a tennis racket. I don’t know why that image pops into my head specifically, but it does. I’d smile except for the fact that I have a strong impulse to speed dial the police. “Stop that,” I say, looking into the hallway of my building. “I’m not really a goddamn wolf. People can hear you.”
“I know. I want them to hear my love for you.”
“Listen Jess...”
“Oh, I like when you call me Jess. No one does that, so it can be like, our thing.”