The Boyfriend Designer - Christopher Harlan Page 0,15
eyes is hosting a meet-and-greet for his fans, tomorrow at three. I think I might just attend.
Conor—The Next Day
“Conor’s personal line of Alpha Undies really do keep your junk in the right place.”
The nerdy kid in the front row raises his hand first. I knew he’d be the first guy to ask a question He could barely contain himself when I opened the floor to some Q & A after my intro. “Yeah, you.”
“Hi Conor, my name is Greg.”
“Hey Greg, how can I help you?”
“I had a question about page 74 of your latest book.” Jesus, do these guys really think I remember my own page numbers like that?
“Sorry, Greg, you’ll have to remind me. What’s the topic?”
“It’s Chapter Seven—Swag Gait, Are Your Feet Working For You?”
“Ah, right. Okay, I’m with you now. What’s your question?”
“I guess I’m wondering. . . and, please don’t take this the wrong way because I love your stuff—all of us do, that’s why we paid $100 for this meet and greet. . .” I just had a thought while good-old-Greg was stumbling through his question—I made a rookie mistake with that price point. I could have gotten $150 per guest, easily. Mental note for next time. . . “But. . . I guess. . . I mean. . .”
“Spit it out, Greg. It’s okay, I won’t be offended, I promise. And I really do appreciate all of you guys spending your hard earned alpha dollars to come see me. I hope you all know that.”
They all repeat “We Do!” like I’m a cult leader or something. I have them eating out of the palm of my hands.
Greg finally gets his question out. “I was just wondering how much the way I walk really matters when it comes to attracting women. I mean, it’s just a walk, right? Half the time women don’t even see you when you’re walking. You spent like twenty pages on it, so. . .”
“Okay, what do we have to say to Greg, who I’m guessing is one of my newer fans? Do I have that right, Greg?” He nods. I knew it. Sometimes you have to sell them a little harder when they’re new. Once they’re in the cult it’s easy to keep them, but getting them to sell their belongings, leave their family and move to the island is the hard part—once they’re there you can convince them to do just about anything. “Who can answer young Greg for me?”
James stands up, pretending to be just another fan, but we both know the truth. “Excuse me, Greg is it?” Greg nods, predictably. “I actually had the very same question when I first heard of Mr. Durden’s methods.” Mr. Durden—nice touch, James.
I interrupt, perfectly timed. “Please,” I tell the stranger who’s no stranger. “I don’t see my father anywhere in the room, so it’s just Conor, okay?”
James smiles. “Conor, then.” He turns back to Greg. “Like I was saying, when I first discovered Conor’s methods I was also a little skeptical. But I came to see that it wasn’t about the walk, or the haircut, or the type of boxer briefs you wore—although Mr. . . excuse me, Conor’s personal line of Alpha Undies really do keep your junk in the right place—they’re the most comfortable I’ve ever worn.” Don’t go too far, James, it’ll look staged. “I was just like you, Greg. Skeptical. But then I kept reading and listening, and I realized that it was about the mindset. The mindset of knowing that you’re a fucking man, that you’re proud of that fact, and that no matter if some woman rejects or accepts you, you know that you have your shit together, and that it’s just a matter of time before the right woman recognizes that.”
And the Oscar goes to. . .
“Wow,” I say, waiting an extra few seconds for effect.” James sits down with all the well rehearsed and false humility that he can muster. “What’s your name?”
“James,” James says, standing up again and pretending to not be my good friend for the past decade, long before I had a room full of insecure men worshiping at my feet and keeping my mortgage paid.
“Well, thank you, James. I couldn’t have said it better myself. And he’s right, Greg. Being a dude is all about mindset—the way you carry yourself impacts the way you feel, and that’s what’s going to attract the hottest woman in the room after she’s walked past all of the insecure betas in the