the compound, and I walked inside without looking back. When I’d kissed her, I’d thought it was a preamble to a deep relationship, and based on our connection, I’d assumed she wanted the same thing. I never did anything spontaneously, so I’d rehearsed that moment in my head many times before I executed it. I assumed our feelings were mutual, so her rejection was a complete surprise.
Now I didn’t know what to do.
I went to work right away and tried to forget the whole episode. Emerson went to work in my office and then eventually left to go to my corporate office across the compound. When she wasn’t around, I felt a lot more comfortable, but she was never far from my thoughts.
Jerome came to my side. “You okay, man?”
I stared down at my work and didn’t meet his gaze. “Yeah. Why?”
“Because you look pissed.”
I raised my chin and met his look. “I always look like this.”
He shook his head as he chuckled. “Trust me, you don’t.”
Days went by, and we didn’t speak to each other. I expected her to try to rectify the situation, but she just let it be. Instead of getting better in time, it seemed to get worse. I felt like I’d lost her altogether because our old friendship wasn’t there any longer.
But I didn’t know what to do about it.
You aren’t the kind of man I’m looking for.
Those words continued to haunt me. What did she mean by that? If I wasn’t the kind of man she was looking for, that didn’t mean I couldn’t be with some changes. She shut me down quickly and resolutely, like any other option wasn’t up for discussion.
Those words continued to play in my head…over and over.
I could be the man she was looking for.
I sat with Dr. Collins in my living room for my weekly session. By the time I’d remembered I needed to cancel it, it was too late. I was used to Emerson doing everything for me, but now I was purposely avoiding her so I couldn’t ask for her assistance.
I sat across from him, not in the mood to chat.
Dr. Collins stared at me. “I can detect quite a bit of hostility from you, Dr. Hamilton.”
“It’s been a rough week.”
“Do you want to talk about it?”
“No.”
“Well, my fee is seven hundred dollars an hour, and sitting in silence isn’t the best way to spend it.”
I rubbed my fingers across my jawline. “I don’t care about money.”
“Then what do you care about? Let’s talk about that.”
I wanted to roll my eyes, but out of respect, I didn’t.
“How are things with Emerson?”
I didn’t answer. Instead, I released a long sigh.
“What’s the story there, Dr. Hamilton?”
Every time I walked through the front door of my penthouse, I crossed the spot where I had kissed her. And every time that happened, I relived that moment, all the intensity included. I remembered exactly how it felt to squeeze her body, to cherish her lips with mine. Every time I relived it, I wanted it to be reality. I accepted her rejection, but that didn’t mean I wanted to. I’d give anything to kiss her again. It was different with her compared to every other woman I’d been with. Our kiss wasn’t foreplay. It was a beautiful union between our souls. My feelings had been conflicted up until that point, but when I kissed her…I knew. My old lifestyle was off the table because my brain and my soul were addicted to Emerson. She satisfied me in a way a twenty-one-year-old couldn’t. It was the first time in ten years that I’d wanted something more, that I’d found a woman I didn’t want to live without.
But she didn’t want me. “I kissed her…”
Anyone else would have a more distinct reaction, obnoxious commentary, but he listened to my words with a blank stare. “And?”
“She kissed me back.”
“This sounds like a happy story, but your tone says otherwise.”
I rested my cheek against my closed knuckles. After another deep breath, I elaborated. “It felt right to me. But she ended the kiss and told me I wasn’t the man she was looking for…” Saying it out loud hurt me all over again. How could she say I was the greatest man she knew, but then turn around and say I wasn’t right for her?
“How do you feel about that?”
I considered the question for a long time before I answered. “Shitty.”
“When did this happen?”
“Four days ago.”
“How’s your relationship been?”
I shrugged. “No idea. We haven’t spoken.”
He