But, like everything else in life, wishes don’t mean jack shit.
“Colton?” she bites out, thrusting out her phone. “Why would you do this?”
I jerk my shoulders. There’s no way I can divulge the truth. That would mean opening up and letting her in—kind of like slitting my wrists and bleeding out emotionally. And that, I’m unwilling to do. So, I go with something believable. “I dunno, just kind of feels like this relationship has run its course.” When her eyes widen, I force out the rest, needing a clean break. I can’t have her coming back and trying to repair this. I need to blow it up. “There’s only so much monotony I can deal with.”
Her mouth tumbles open as she sucks in a sharp breath. “What?”
When her eyes turn glassy, I glance at the cement block wall beyond her. If I don’t, I’ll drop to my knees and beg for forgiveness. And I can’t allow that to happen. There’s no other choice but to soldier on.
“We had a good run. Six months is practically an eternity as far as I’m concerned. But I’m over it. I need to mix things up. Explore my options.”
“You’re doing this because you,” there’s a beat of silence as if she’s having a difficult time wrapping her lips around the words, “want to sleep with other people?”
No.
“Yeah.” I shift my weight, impatient to get this over with. Bile rises in my throat as I toss the question back at her and hold my breath. “Don’t you?”
Any color filling her cheeks drains away as she shakes her head. “No, I don’t.”
I tighten my hands into fists to stop myself from reaching out and consoling her. My words are ripping her apart, and it’s excruciating to watch. Any moment, I’m going to crumble. “Look, Lys—”
“Don’t you dare call me that,” she growls from between clenched teeth. “I will never be that to you again.”
I jerk my head into a terse nod. “It’s better to walk away before someone gets hurt.”
A gurgle of strained laughter bubbles up from her throat. “Yeah, it’s too late for that.”
As much as I fight to keep the words locked deep inside, I blurt, “I’m sorry.” It’s probably the only thing that’s come out of my mouth that bears any resemblance to the truth.
“Are you?” She tilts her head and stares at me as if she has no clue who I am. It’s the first time she’s ever looked at me that way. It takes effort to keep my expression carefully blank. Almost bored. “You know what hurts the most?”
All of it.
There’s nothing that doesn’t hurt.
I brace myself before shaking my head.
“That you thought so little of me and my feelings that you couldn’t be bothered to have an honest conversation.” Again, she holds up the phone. “Instead of acting like a man, you sent me a lame-ass text.” Alyssa falls silent, almost as if digesting what she’s just expressed. “If I hadn’t hunted you down, you probably would have ghosted me.”
As much as I hate to admit it, she’s right. That’s exactly what the plan had entailed.
“It seemed easier that way,” I mumble, feeling like a grade-A asshole. It’s almost impressive the depths I’ve managed to jackhammer down to.
“Easier for who?” she snaps, voice escalating, echoing off the cavernous cement walls.
Since that seems more like a rhetorical question, I don’t bother with a response.
“Where did this come from?” Her brows draw together in bewilderment as if mentally reviewing the autopsy of our doomed relationship. “I thought you were happy.”
“I was.” The emotion churning in her eyes is enough to break me. I hate myself for doing this to her. “And now I’m not.”
“Just like that.” There’s a pause. “Like a light switch. Happy.” She snaps her fingers as the brightness in her eyes returns. If she loses the battle with her tears, I won’t be able to stand it. “Unhappy.”
“Yeah,” I force out glumly, edging closer to my breaking point.
“I don’t know what to say.” She shakes her head. “Just...wow.”
When I remain mute, Alyssa inches forward, closing the yawning distance that separates us. Sorrow is etched across every line of her expression. “I realize there’s nothing I can say that will change your mind.” She forces out a brittle laugh. “And I won’t bother to try. I refuse to beg and grovel for some guy who is willing to throw me away like a dirty Kleenex.”
No, that’s not Alyssa’s style. She has way too much pride and self-worth for that.