Ian ever had, and I wondered if maybe I should have trusted their opinion of him from the start. I’d been too forgiving.
“Can you just see him tomorrow night or… I mean, I guess we should see if there’s another day we could go together…” Seb grabbed his phone to look for screening times but I already knew it wouldn’t be playing again anytime soon, and not so close to home.
“Nah, go without me, just tell me all about it.” I forced a smile like it didn’t hurt me to have to cancel.
But canceling on Ian wasn’t something I did. It just…wasn’t acceptable. As it sank in, I realized I needed to talk to him about our relationship. I was about to ask my brothers for advice when it came, unsolicited.
“You need to break up with Ian. He’s an asshole, boo.” Richie nudged me under the table.
“The movie sounds better than hanging out with Ian. He’s not good to you, and you deserve way better,” Owen said gently.
Matt was staring right at me and gave me the advice I actually needed. “Just do it. Tell him it’s over. Don’t leave room for conversation about it. Tell him and then get out of there as soon as you can. Bam. Done.”
“I’ll think about it,” I said.
But I’d already made up my mind. Things had to change.
The subway at night was kind of my happy place…and kind of a total nightmare. The train to Ian’s house took twenty minutes which was usually just enough time for me to get into the meditation of my music and the rhythmic surging of the train. But this time it felt more like an hour because of the looks I was getting from the older men on board.
Even though I knew it wasn’t my fault, I wondered if I was attracting attention because of what I was wearing. I always dressed nicely when going to see Ian, both out of habit and because he’d complain about it otherwise. Tonight was a little ensemble of tight black jeans, a pale pink button-up with long sleeves rolled up, mascara, a lip gloss to shade-match the shirt, and my shoulder-length black hair slicked back. Not the hot pants and leather harness you’d think I was wearing for how aggressively the older men were sizing me up. Fuck, it was like they could smell my past still lingering on me.
I felt awkward and uncomfortable with their eyes on my body. I thought I recognized a man from my past, someone who’d pushed things too far in an alleyway until I’d thrown him off me. But when I looked again, he had a completely different face. Not him. Same hungry eyes, though.
The car I was in was half full. I could half-believe it when I told myself nobody would make a nasty move with that many people around; but too few to hide in the crowd.
I was relieved when I got to Ian’s stop, and hurried out without being touched. The relief lasted all of the two blocks to his house, a brownstone building he had all to himself. His parents were wealthy, and while he paid them market rent, they gave it back to him as an allowance. Fate and luck had given him well-off and caring parents, and I felt resentment about it every time I went to his house, unable to stop myself from imagining what my life might have been like if I’d be brought up in a stable family.
At least now I had the Tower. Better late than never.
I’d wanted to spend the train ride figuring out how to bring up our relationship calmly, so Ian wouldn’t snap and go off on an angry tirade, but I’d been so stressed out I hadn’t thought of anything at all. I took a moment on the porch to consider it, but voices and music came through the door.
Worried, I double-checked I had the right place, then pressed the bell. No way would he have invited people over after telling me he needed me to come by. He drank whenever he was with his friends, and I hated it when he got drunk and sloppy. Shit. He’d probably forgotten I was even coming over. I could have gone to the movies with Seb.
“Hey, you’re late.” He grabbed my wrist and dragged me inside before even saying hello.
My heart sank. Justin and Grant stood next to Ian’s stupid pool table none of them knew how to use The “living room”