you going to let me make love to you again, Rachel?” I asked. Even though I’d just left her, I already wanted back in.
“I’m not real sure I would call what we just did making love,” she said, her teeth flashing in a grin. “That was a little animalistic to be called anything but sex.”
“Did I hurt you?” I said, casting all humor aside. I jerked up, sitting just beside the cot and looking over her with nervous eyes.
She collapsed back against the pillow and stared up at me. “No, you didn’t hurt me.”
Her hair fanned out across the pillow, creating a dark cloud around her head. Her cheekbones were on full display from the smile that curved the corners of her mouth. Tentatively, she reached out, brushing her fingertips across the top of my chest. “I liked it.”
Smug confidence made my chest puff out. Of course she liked it. I was just that good.
Rachel’s hand still lingered against my skin, and I covered it, pulling her fingers through mine. “We should do it again.” I gave her an innocent smile.
She laughed; her chest vibrated with the sound and it filled me with this kind of light. It was bright and pure, startling. It was something I hadn’t felt before. It was kind of like the darkest parts of me were being introduced to the sun for the very first time.
“What happens in the tent stays in the tent?” she asked, giving my fingers a playful squeeze.
“I won’t tell if you won’t.” I winked.
Her hand was still resting over my chest and I felt her fingers brush over a raised scar near my collarbone. They came back to brush over it again. “What happened here?” she whispered, turning her head to look at me.
“I don’t remember.”
“What’s it feel like to not know about yourself?” she asked.
“Blank,” I echoed, feeling a little hollow inside. “Like endless white space where a painting used to be.”
“It sounds lonely,” Rachel murmured.
“It might be,” I replied. “But I have you.”
In truth, I wasn’t lonely in the slightest. In fact, I felt this kind of strange relief, like I was somehow getting this colossal break I was never able to have before. It didn’t make sense, but it was how I felt.
Rachel glanced at the watch she was wearing. “If we hurry, we can make it over to the base. I’m sure they’re having a huge dinner there for the troops.”
I wasn’t ready to leave here. I wasn’t ready for my time with Rachel to be over.
“I still haven’t remembered.” I reminded her, reaching for any excuse.
“I know. It’s okay. Maybe you’ll remember tomorrow.”
I was starting to ask myself if I would ever remember. If I wanted to. I cleared my throat. “The plane for the States leaves tomorrow, the one you want to be on?” I asked.
“Yes.”
“We could stay here, head over to the base in the morning.” I suggested. Just one night with her. I wanted just one night.
She debated my proposal, chewing her lip as she thought. I couldn’t help but stare at her. She was beautiful.
“It’s just one night, Rachel,” I whispered. “Give me one night.”
“I’d like that,” she answered, shifting a little bit closer to me. Something inside me howled with victory.
But then a wary, worried expression crossed her face. “You’re feeling okay?” she asked, concerned. “Do you feel like you need medical attention?”
“The only attention I need right now is yours,” I replied, tugging her arm and pulling her halfway off the cot. I met her the rest of the way and kissed her.
* * *
I learned something else about myself. I was insatiable. Like I couldn’t get enough of her. The way she smelled, the way she sighed, the way she curled her toes when I kissed her.
I paid attention to every little detail about her. It was easy because for this one night, she was completely mine.
Rachel wasn’t scared of me anymore; that much became obvious. And it was also obvious she was able to take everything I could dish out. In fact, she seemed to like to give it back.
She was lying in the center of a thick blanket with the ends tangled around her bare thighs when I went across the room for bottled water.
We’d abandoned the cot because it just wasn’t big enough for the both of us. I uncapped the water and let it pour down my parched throat, thinking about what Rachel would look like standing in a shower with water cascading over