He was already looking at me, expression unreadable. “I checked everyone’s financial records, and there were a lot of medical bills on Elena’s. Considering how much money Foster Steadman must have paid her, that woman is up to her eyeballs in debt. Turns out she had breast cancer a few years ago. Now she volunteers and runs this support group for people suffering with cancer or who have lost a loved one to cancer.”
Uneasiness churned in my gut as I watched Elena Marshall. She crossed the street, seeming in good health now, as she got into a small car. I was conflicted.
This woman had helped frame Jamie for a crime he didn’t commit.
I hated her.
But I wondered if perhaps Karma hadn’t already dealt with Elena Marshall. Cancer was no joke, and neither were the medical bills that came with it.
As if he could read my mind, Jamie spoke, his voice soft but hard at the same time. “Cancer happens to all kinds of people, Jane. It doesn’t discriminate. Good, bad, and all in between. It doesn’t exonerate her from what she did to me. She took five years of my life.”
“Jamie …” I thought I could do this, mete out a little justice, but maybe I wasn’t built for it, after all.
“Do you know I can’t go to the movies anymore? Something about the darkness and being trapped in a row of seats fucks me up.”
Surprised he was telling me that, I turned to him.
His eyes were hard, filled with bitterness. “I don’t like elevators. I can’t stand being stuck in traffic. Flights are a nightmare. I need the windows open in my bedroom at night, and, even then, after years of being unable to sleep in that cell, it still takes me forever to fall asleep. I get a couple hours a night at most.”
Prison had made Jamie claustrophobic and an insomniac.
Anguish filled me. “What else happened to you in there, Jamie?”
His ocean eyes turned stormy. “Not that. But there was nothing I could do when it happened to other guys. Guys younger than me, with no one to protect them. Irwin kept me safe, but the price of that was keeping my nose clean and out of everyone else’s business. I didn’t …” Jamie wrenched his gaze away, probably because the haunted look on his face was bringing tears to my eyes. “Steadman made me realize there were evil bastards out there … but there were a few prisoners who made me realize there are people in the world who take it to the next level. They take what they want, and they don’t care who they hurt, as long as their needs are satisfied. Spending five years avoiding scum of the earth and feeling guilty for not doing anything to protect guys more vulnerable than me, it screws with your head …”
My heart was breaking. “Why didn’t you tell me this back then?”
His expression flattened. He scoffed. “Because I thought I was protecting you.”
“Jamie—”
“Elena Marshall is one reason I lost five years of my life. That I now have a criminal record. If I didn’t have my writing, I’d be struggling below minimum wage, doing shitty jobs under shitty employers willing to look the other way regarding my record so they could justify their shittiness.” His tone was cold again, controlled. “I need you to attend the support group and connect with Elena. You’ll find out personal details of her life, and we’ll use that information to hit her where it hurts.”
Hearing just a generalized summary of what Jamie had gone through, what he’d seen, I knew the details were probably much worse. My anger for him chipped away at my uncertainty. But using a cancer support group made my stomach lurch. “Jamie, you cannot think that it’s okay to use people going through what they’re going through to get to Elena. I know you can’t.”
“Of course, I don’t,” he spat. “But I’m willing to do what it takes to get this done. I’m willing to bear the burden of my actions. Are you? Are you in or are you out, Jane?”
“Spending five years avoiding scum of the earth and feeling guilty for not doing anything to protect guys more vulnerable than me, it screws with your head …”
Suddenly, I was nineteen again and looking at Jamie through Plexiglas.