ice. Did you not see?”
Iktan frowned. “He meant to strike you.”
“No…” She stood, pacing across the room. “No, Iktan. He had complimented me. He was only going to thank me.”
She could feel Iktan’s mood shift, the caregiver replaced by the exasperated commander of her guard.
“They want you dead. How many more times must they try before you believe it?”
“You told me the assassin on the Day of Shuttering may not have been Carrion Crow.”
“I said not to rush to conclusions. But now it seems clear enough.”
“Does it? I don’t know…”
“Have we traded places now?” xe scoffed. “You convincing me Carrion Crow is innocent?”
“I don’t think Okoa meant to harm me.”
“Because he’s young and handsome?”
“What? No. No! He’s ten years too young for me and more interested in birds than women. I have absolutely no—” She laughed, incredulous. “Skies, are you jealous, Iktan?”
“Not jealous,” xe said. Iktan touched a hand to her face, cupping her cheek. “I thought you were dead, Nara. That I had failed you.”
“Oh.” She let herself relax. “No. You didn’t fail me. I’m fine.”
She kissed the edge of xir hand, and then came up on her toes to kiss xir lips. It was a familiar gesture born of old habits and rebirthed by her exhaustion. The minute she did it, she regretted it. But the damage had been done.
“Nara…” Iktan gently pushed her away.
“Oh.” Her voice was fluttery. She pressed a hand to her chest. “I-I’m sorry. I wasn’t thinking. I’m just…” She exhaled. “I’m sorry.”
“There’s something else I need to tell you.”
“About your new lover? It’s none of my business, really. I was out of line.”
Xe frowned. “My…? No. The Conclave was concerned you wouldn’t agree to a public retaliation against Carrion Crow.”
“And they were right. I won’t.”
“Any action the tower takes must be unanimous, as you are well aware. So… we voted.”
Her stomach dropped. “Voted on what exactly?”
Xe looked apologetic. “Eche will take over your duties as Sun Priest until further notice, and Haisan and Abah will be at his side to ensure his success. Golden Eagle has already agreed to send in a contingent of household guards to bolster the tower’s security until we can bring to justice the ones responsible for these attempts on your life and to aid the tsiyo in any future action against the Crows.”
“What?” She turned, mouth open in shock.
“I know it is difficult to accept, and we did not come lightly to the decision.”
“We? You agreed to this?”
“We all did.”
She backed away, eyes wide. Looking for some escape. Not just from Iktan and this room but from this moment. Minutes ago she had been weeping with relief to be back in the tower and among those she thought of as her family. A contentious family, perhaps, but hers nonetheless.
Her back hit the wall behind her. Her hands were shaking, and she fought for air. The room spun.
“Breathe, Nara,” Iktan said, voice concerned. Xe reached for her, and she pushed xir hard enough that xe stumbled.
“No! I…” Her voice trembled. “You cannot take this away from me!”
Iktan’s black eyes were unhappy, but the set of xir jaw was uncompromising.
“We already have.”
* * *
Xe left her there alone with a promise to have a servant bring her a meal later on and a tsiyo on the other side of the door. Ostensibly to guard her but undoubtedly to keep her inside her room.
She sat on the bench for hours, watching the sun move across the room. She realized her gambit to restore the Sun Priest’s power had truly failed. In fact, she had somehow made things worse. Perhaps you didn’t want it badly enough, Nara, she thought to herself. Or perhaps you wanted it for the wrong reasons. But that felt like a lie. Her motivations had been pure. She had only ever thought of how to grow the priesthood, how to raise up the people of Tova. And now the worst had come to pass. Talk of retaliation against Carrion Crow, allowing the Golden Eagle guard into the sacred tower.
“It is a path of destruction,” she whispered to only herself. The priesthood had walked this path before and ruined countless lives. Perhaps Abah and Haisan and even Iktan could not see the damage that striking Carrion Crow would do, not only to the clan but to the city, to themselves.
But she could. She had lived side by side with Kiutue for years, had become his pupil and confidante. She knew only death came from death. But what could she