Between You & Me - By Marisa Calin Page 0,35
and now here’s another. I feel a twist of unease in the pit of my stomach.
MIA’S CLASSROOM. MONDAY. AFTER SCHOOL.
Mia, Kate, and I are here for a rehearsal after school. She suggested that the two of us explore emotion memory to help us relate to our characters. My heart shudders at even the idea of spending more time with the thoughts in my head. She sits on the desk in front of us. I look at her fingers curled around its edge and my mind swings from her soft skin to the way you walked away from me on Saturday. We haven’t spoken since then. It’s been harder to concentrate than I would have expected. My gaze returns to Mia’s delicate wrists disappearing into her lilac shirtsleeves. She has patiently waited until she has my full attention.
MIA
Think of someone you have feelings for.
I look at her perfect face, flushing pink. She speaks more quietly than usual without the roomful of people to be heard over, leaning forward, swinging her legs thoughtfully.
MIA
Remember exactly how it feels to be around them.
Hot. Airless. Exhilarating. Cheeks burning, butterflies in my chest, and, underneath it all, pain.
Think of what you’re self-conscious about when you want to impress them …
I steal a look at Kate. She’s glowing with her own private thoughts of someone and I smile, feeling united by the feeling. I’m sure my own thoughts are playing across my face like a mini–projector screen. I wonder if Mia is thinking of someone, the same warmth spreading through her chest. She tucks her hair behind her ear. She is swept up in her own imagination. I watch the split second it takes for her to wet her lower lip before forming words.
MIA
… How it feels when they’re close, if they touch your hand, catch your eye. How everything moves slowly around them but time goes so fast.
We sit in silence, thoughts playing behind our eyes. She’s talking about my every moment around her. I try to imagine who she has felt this way about, and familiar envy seeps into my bloodstream. She has felt it, of course, everyone has, but I can’t imagine anyone could make her feel as vulnerable as she makes me.
MIA
Every emotion you feel around someone you love is heightened.
My thoughts find their way back to you and our untouched picnic, and I realize how true it is. I’m closer to you than anyone else, and you’re at the receiving end of every one of my emotions. When I look up, Mia is watching my projector-screen face. She smiles. I blush. Now all that registers on her face is an interest in the thoughts that she can see tinting my cheeks pink.
MY GARDEN. TUESDAY EVENING. 7 P.M.
I’m in a tree. You haven’t spoken to me for a few days. I’ve sent you a gazillion messages but I can see it’s going to take more. This is more. I’m sitting in our tree house, my arms wrapped around my knees, waiting. Waiting for you to follow the path of tea lights that I started at your front door, that lead all the way down the street to my house, down the path, through the garden, and around to the tree house: 708 of them! I’ve wrapped fairy lights around the tree trunk and draped them through the branches. And I’m sitting in the middle of it all. I’ve lined the perimeter of our makeshift tree house with tea lights too and have been hoping since I climbed up here half an hour ago that they won’t make for a giant bonfire at any moment. Sitting in the middle of my own constellation, I can’t imagine how I’ll feel if you don’t come. That would be a surefire way to humiliate me: make me blow out 708 tea lights. This evening you had a scholarship presentation at school so by my estimation you should just be home and following my twinkling path at this very moment. I strain to see the gate in the dark. Still no sign of you. Five minutes go by. I rest my chin on my knees, remembering the time I snuck into your room and released a jam jar of fireflies when you were asleep. When you woke up, we lay on your bed watching them light up the room. Then we couldn’t get them to fly out the window and you were still seeing them days later. At night, they’re magical but in the light they’re just bugs.