Between You & Me - By Marisa Calin Page 0,14

when the curtains open at the theater, when I want so much to be up there with the actors. And then there’s the excitement I feel when I think about Mia.

MIA

Anyone like to be the first?

Sure! Ideally, but the idea of being that vulnerable is cementing my knees locked. Harmony puts up her hand. Presumably named even as a baby for her tiny aura, she makes no effort to challenge her reputation for being away with the fairies. She’s not in touch with reality, everyone says. Perhaps her reality is just really pleasant.

She takes a step forward, freeing an easygoing burst of excitement. Ten seconds later, Elle steps in with energy flying in all directions. It’s amazing how the vibe builds. I catch Ryan’s eye, a few people to my right, and he’s actually taking it seriously. Then, with my turn approaching, I let the heat of excitement well up in my chest, picture the bright lights, the vibration of music, the thunderous chorus of voices in my head. It all catches in my throat for a second and then I let it go.

We continue around the circle, getting louder and louder, until everyone’s in, and the energy is electric. I steal a glance at you. Your excitement is more subdued than most but no less real. I’m surprisingly mesmerized by your face, lightened by this euphoric but silent intensity that flickers as we make eye contact. I want to know what you’re remembering—I’ll try to remember to ask. The sweep of people stepping out reaches me, the stage getting quieter, and as I step back I have a chance to look at Mia. She’s more cheerful than she’s been all day, the contagious excitement putting a genuine smile on her face. She waits for complete quiet before she laughs, gives us a pleased nod, and asks for another emotion.

ME

Sad.

She meets my eye. There are other suggestions ringing around the circle.

MIA

Relief! Good.

She rubs her hands together bracingly.

Same thing. Remember a time when you’ve felt truly relieved—experience exactly how that felt.

Elle starts this time. I’ve felt relief, too many times to choose from. The time you fell out of the tree on your head and I thought I’d killed you: my heart pounding, panic in my throat, and then how I cried and laughed and squeezed and hit you when you sat up. I never wanted to care that much again and at the same time I wanted to hold on to the feeling forever. I relax abruptly as I realize it’s already my turn to step out of the circle. Mia’s gaze is concentrated on me when I look over. I smile with a mixture of emotions. She smiles back.

That keeps my spirits lifted for the remainder of class but as we’re leaving, I hear Mia compliment Kate on being emotionally present. I try to tune out her words but they find their way in like a frequency that you can’t stop yourself from hearing. I’m as present as I can be. How am I supposed to be more present than that? You’ve started talking now but I don’t really hear, leaving my ability to concentrate behind in the room with Mia. I look deafly at your kind expression as we walk away, wishing that I could regain the contentment I used to feel when it was just you and me.

STUDY HALL. NEXT PERIOD.

It’s the start of study hall. The day is catching up with me. I rest my chin on my forearms on the desk as the room moves around me. I squint to make patterns out of colors and light. Grace is perched in the middle of a circle of gossip girls like the needle of a compass. I catch Mia’s name and lift my head.

ME

What’s that about Mia?

The circle widens as we become an entire class of iron filings drawn into the magnetic field.

GRACE

I was just saying how Mia and her boyfriend broke up.

A rush of jealousy that someone else knows more about her than I do hurtles through my blood; then I think of her in class today and it makes sense.

ME

How do you know?

Grace relishes her moment of glory.

GRACE

Well, Jen told me that she sat at the table next to them at Sixpence last night. She said they were talking, and then Mia got upset and left during dinner. He stayed a few minutes and then he left too.

The oohs and aahs ring out, and then the magnetic field starts to lose strength. Grace continues.

She