Between the Lives - By Jessica Shirvington Page 0,91

that would cry for him forever.

The days passed. I tried my best to function, but not a second went by that I didn’t think of him, yearn for just one last touch. Often I would be doing something, thinking I was okay, and then out of nowhere I’d just stop being able to breathe and break down.

For the first time in my life, the terror of night wasn’t about the Shift. It was all about missing him.

I went to my sessions with Levi. He was as professional as always, but he’d changed – aged maybe. Macie seemed to like me a little more for some reason too, or maybe she was just being nice to me as some kind of homage to Ethan.

I did everything requested of me. Everyone still struggled to understand how I’d suddenly been able to speak in another language. But in the end, like some things must, it went into the too-hard basket.

I saw them all looking at me strangely at times, wondering why I’d had such a horrific reaction to his death. They didn’t know. I didn’t tell.

My memories were for me to carry and hold in my heart.

‘Are you still travelling between your two lives, Sabine?’ Levi asked one morning while he waited for me to take my shot.

I threw the dart. I was focused. Bullseye.

‘You have met my parents, haven’t you? Sometimes I suppose it was just easier to pretend I belonged somewhere else.’

‘So you were able to influence your other world? Make things the way you wanted them?’

I refrained from rolling my eyes and shrugged noncommittally. ‘In the end, things just went too far. I see that now.’ I passed him the darts.

He eyed me suspiciously. ‘That’s quite a change in viewpoint,’ he said, turning his attention to the dartboard, lining up his first shot.

I nodded. ‘I guess. The thing is, everything just got out of control. Once I started saying these things, it was hard to go back. One thing just led to another and I got all muddled up in it.’

He took his shot. Outer rim. He glanced at me sheepishly while I grinned at his poor aim. ‘But now you’re not? Muddled, that is.’

‘I don’t think this is an overnight thing,’ I said, playing the game. ‘It’s going to take some time to repair the damage I’ve done and gain back my family’s trust. But I’m ready to try.’

‘Did Ethan’s passing have anything to do with your change of heart?’ His pretence of a casual approach faltered as he stopped what he was doing and turned to me.

I wanted to cry just hearing his name. Fold over and scream. But I stood tall and ignored the ache. ‘I think it might’ve. Life’s too short. If Ethan taught me anything, that would be it. I want to get on with living mine.’

‘Just the one?’

‘I’m just me, Dr Levi. What you see here is what I am.’

He seemed satisfied and took another, poor, shot. I suspected he was losing on purpose. ‘That’s good to hear, Sabine.’

‘Good enough to get me out of here?’ It was worth a try. ‘Not just yet. But soon, Sabine. Soon.’

I nodded, knowing what that meant. At the end of the session I pulled out a small bag from where I’d tucked it into the waistband of my miniskirt, and held it out to him.

He took it. ‘What’s this?’

‘A bad decision.’

He looked in the bag and saw the pills. ‘Where did you …?’ He looked nervously from the pills to me.

‘Can you give them to Mom and Dad? They’ll be able to check their stock. Every last pill is there.’

‘How did you …?’

I considered giving him the window key too, but I wasn’t an idiot. Levi had been using that ‘not yet, but soon,’ line on me ever since I’d started cooperating, and I knew it was his way of stalling. A girl needs a back-up plan.

I shrugged. ‘Do we really need to get into the technicalities? The point is, I don’t want them anymore.’

He pursed his lips, confused. I knew the look. It almost made me smile. Yeah, I was a mystery.

In Wellesley I grieved too, unable to pretend I wasn’t completely broken. No one questioned me. After what Dex had done, they figured it was because of him. But Dex wasn’t even a blip on the pain radar.

The police came to see me, a male and a female officer. I told them the truth – everything I could. It wasn’t for me to decide whether