The Betrothed (The Betrothed #1) - Kiera Cass Page 0,90

our legacy anymore. Can you blame her?” I shook my head. “You said you were an Eastoffe,” she reminded me. “This is your ring.”

“I don’t know.”

“Well, then, wear it for a while, and if you still think it should be mine, you can come deliver it to me in Isolte. Deal?”

I smiled at the thought of seeing her again. “Deal.”

“When do you leave for the castle?” she asked.

“In a few hours. I’m hoping to arrive early evening, when everyone will be at dinner. The less attention I can draw to myself, the better.” I couldn’t begin to imagine the reception I was in for at Keresken.

“I want you to know . . . if, for some reason, the king sees you and your feelings are rekindled, there’s no shame in that. I thought, as Silas’s mother, you would trust it if those words came from me.”

I sighed. “I appreciate the thought, but I’ve known for a long time that I don’t want to be near a crown ever again. And . . . Jameson . . . I don’t know if he ever really loved me. Or if I ever really loved him. My goal is to reinforce how well-suited Delia Grace is for the throne, and then . . . honestly, I don’t have much of a plan after that.”

“You will adjust.”

“How will I know?” I whispered. “If something happens to you, how will I know?”

“I’ve already told the Northcotts to send word. But you needn’t worry. I’m an old woman. King Quinten might have been threatened by my sons, but it’s unlikely he cares about me one way or the other. And Etan will keep us safe on the road.”

I looked over at him skeptically. “If you insist.”

We stood there for a moment. There was nothing left but goodbyes, and I wasn’t ready for them.

She bent down and kissed both of my cheeks. “I love you, Hollis. I miss you already.”

I nodded, stepping back. “I love you, too.”

I so badly didn’t want to cry in front of them. I couldn’t bear to be the cause of any more pain.

“I will write you as soon as I’m able,” she promised.

I nodded again, knowing I couldn’t trust my voice anymore. She ran her hand down my cheek one last time and climbed into the coach.

Etan, looking rather impressive upon his horse, came over to me. “I will keep them safe, you know. Whatever your opinions of me or my king or Isolte, you have to believe I would give my life for my family.”

I nodded. “So would I. But my family gave their lives for me instead.” I inhaled deeply. “I’m sorry. It’s still painful.”

“It will be. For a long time. But it gets easier.”

I must have looked rather pathetic indeed for the likes of Etan to show me some level of mercy.

“Thank you. And I do believe you’ll look after them. I pity anyone who would come up against you,” I vowed.

He gave me a quick nod of his head. And then they were off, slowly riding out of my world. I briefly wondered what kind of life I would have at all if they weren’t with me.

I watched them until they were at the end of our drive, and once they turned, I stayed outside until the coach disappeared over the crest of the low hill. And then I stood a little bit longer because I could not walk into that huge house all by myself.

It must have been quite a while, because when the steward came up beside me, I noticed my cheeks felt a little burned from the sun.

“Mistress Brite?”

“It’s Eastoffe,” I corrected him.

“Yes, very sorry, mistress. Old habits, you see. We need to know which trunks to load?” I took a deep breath and went inside. But I couldn’t make it past the foyer.

There may as well have been a wall between me and the rest of the manor for how hard it felt to walk inside. My breathing was a little shallow, and I could tell that if I didn’t get ahold of it, I might faint. I clutched the big circular table and inhaled deeply.

“I . . . There are two trunks by my bed. Anything I’ve forgotten I’m sure will be provided at the castle,” I instructed, and that was enough to buy me more time.

He bowed and went upstairs to fetch my bags. I took a seat on the bench near the window, intending to watch the world outside Varinger Hall