licked her lips, resting her chin on a broom she’d grabbed from the wall to pick up the broken glass.
“Stay, Candace,” Delaney called back, pointing at her friend. “Stay… good girl.”
At the bar Delaney carved out a spot for me beside her. I noticed that no one was bothering with me, well, except for Candace, whose eyes I could feel practically penetrating me from behind. At all the social situations I was used to my every move was scrutinised, judged to be acceptable or unacceptable, gossip worthy or not, right or wrong. Here, I was invisible. I wasn’t used to it. I could act however I wanted to act, but that was the problem. I really didn’t know how I wanted to be, who I wanted to be.
Delaney was leaning across the bar, waving to two people pouring drinks at the opposite end. One was a tall blond man who looked like he belonged on an ad for flannel shirts or PEDs: he was huge and handsome, dwarfing the pint glasses he slung around like baseballs. The woman had a ponytail that swung wildly as she moved. She grabbed Thor’s arm and dragged him toward us. The throng of college kids moaned in complaint when they left their posts, but the woman just waved her hand dismissively at them.
“I want you to meet my friend, Ronan,” Delaney said as they stopped in front of us. “Ronan, this is Aubrey and her husband, Noah.”
“This is Ronan?” Aubrey asked Delaney.
So she’d heard of me. She must know who I am. This was almost a relief to me. If she had preconceived notions of me, I could meet those preconceived notions. If she wanted me to be the philandering playboy, I could be the philandering playboy. If she wanted me to be the aloof billionaire, I could be the aloof billionaire. If she wanted me to be the notorious partier, I could put The Jar on the tabloid map in hours.
But before I could figure out my role, my act, Delaney squeezed my hand beneath the bar and said, “This is my friend, Ronan.”
Aubrey glanced once more at Delaney, who kept her gaze steady and firm. Then as if with the snap of her fingers, Aubrey’s face went blank. I don’t mean blank as in expressionless, she smiled and her eyes were warm as she extended a hand to me across the sticky bar top. I mean blank in that I could no longer see what she expected from me. I no longer saw who I was supposed to be for her. I no longer could read what she wanted from me.
I shook Noah’s big hand and it was the exact same. There was nothing but open friendliness and genuine “nice to meet you’s”. I didn’t trust it. I didn’t trust it one fucking bit. They brought Delaney and me two beers, refusing my card, and excused themselves with promises to come back soon as the pleas of the college kids at the end of bar grew louder and louder.
“I don’t get it,” I said when we were alone, or as alone as you could be in a packed bar at midnight, which with the deafening music and shouted conversations was pretty alone.
“Don’t get what?” Delaney asked, putting down the beer she’d raised to cheers with me.
I searched behind me in the crowd for Candace, for Bridget. I nodded toward Aubrey and Noah.
“Your friends,” I said. “Hell, even all these strangers. I don’t get what they want from me. I can’t crack it.”
Delaney laughed. I just stared at her till her laughter died off.
“Oh,” she said, “you’re serious?”
Just as much as she didn’t seem to understand my question, I didn’t understand her not understanding of my question. I wasn’t so wrong earlier about needing a language translation app in this damned place.
“Ronan,” Delaney shouted, placing a hand on my arm. “Ronan, they don’t want anything from you. Nobody expects anything from you here, except maybe to pay your tab and if you’re going to hurl, do it away from people’s shoes.”
When she saw the obvious doubt written across my face, she pointed her beer at me.
“Alright, alright, look at it this way,” she said. “You’re always going on and on about how class is just figuring out what people want from you and giving it to them, right?”
I grinned. “Maybe you’re not so bad a student after all.”
Delaney rolled her eyes. “You know I’m the best student you’ve ever had,” she said and