home, in case he didn’t understand, she put it as plainly as she could.
“I can’t have children. Ever.”
Miles said nothing, and after a long moment, Sarah went on.
“You can’t imagine what it was like to find out. It just seemed so ironic, you know? I’d spent my early twenties trying not to get pregnant. I used to panic if I forgot to take my birth control pills. I never even considered that I might not be able to have children.”
“How did you find out?”
“The usual way. It just didn’t happen. We finally went in for tests. That was when I found out.”
“I’m sorry,” was all Miles could think to say.
“So am I.” She exhaled sharply, as if she still had trouble believing it. “And so was Michael. But he couldn’t handle it. I told him that we could still adopt, and I’d be perfectly happy with that, but he refused to even consider it because of his family.”
“You’re kidding....”
Sarah shook her head. “I wish I were. Looking back, I guess I shouldn’t have been surprised. When we first started going out, he used to say that I was the most perfect woman he’d ever met. As soon as something happened that proved otherwise, he was willing to throw away everything we had.” She stared into her wineglass, talking almost to herself. “He asked for a divorce, and I moved out a week later.”
Miles took her hand without a word and nodded for her to continue.
“After that... well, it hasn’t been easy. It’s not the sort of thing you bring up at cocktail parties, you know. My family knows, and I talked to Sylvia about it. She was my counselor and she helped me a lot, but those four are the only ones who knew. And now you....”
She trailed off. In the firelight, Miles thought she had never looked more beautiful. Her hair caught fragments of light and cast them off like a halo.
“So why me?” Miles finally asked.
“Isn’t it obvious?”
“Not really.”
“I just thought you should know. I mean, before ... Like I said, I don’t want it to happen again... .” She looked away.
Miles gently turned her face back to him. “Do you really think I’d do that?”
Sarah looked at him sadly. “Oh, Miles...it’s easy to say that it doesn’t matter right now. What I’m worried about is how you’ll feel later, after you’ve had the chance to think about this. Let’s say we keep seeing each other and things go as well as they have up to this point. Can you honestly say that it won’t matter to you? That being able to have children wouldn’t be important to you? That Jonah would never have a little brother or sister running around the house?”
She cleared her throat. “I know I’m jumping the gun here, and don’t think that by telling you all this, I expect us to get married. But I had to tell you the truth, so you’d know what you’re getting into—before this goes any further. I can’t let myself go any further unless I’m certain that you’re not going to turn around and do the same thing that Michael did. If it doesn’t work out for another reason, fine. I can live with that. But I can’t face again what I’ve already gone through once.”
Miles looked toward his glass, saw the light reflected there. He traced the rim with his finger.
“There’s something you should know about me, too,” he said. “I had a really hard time after Missy died. It wasn’t just that she died—it was also that I never found out who’d been driving the car that night. That’s what my job is, both as her husband and as sheriff. And for a long time, finding out who’d been driving was all I could think about. I investigated on my own, I talked to people, but whoever did it got away, and that ate at me like you can’t imagine. I felt like I was going crazy for a long time, but lately...”
His voice was tender as he met her eyes.
“I guess what I’m trying to say is that I don’t need time, Sarah...I don’t know ...I just know that I’m missing something in my life, and that until I met you, I didn’t know what it was. If you want me to take some time to think about it, I will. But that would be for you—not for me. You haven’t said anything that could change the way I feel about you. I’m not