She took pity on him. How could she not?
“Oh yes you should have,” she said with a smile. “In fact I'd be begging you to do the exact same thing to me again right now if we weren't going to be late.”
“What are we late for?”
He was clearly confused, but just as clearly relieved that she wasn't leaving.
Laughing, she said, “We've got a hot date with a teen center in Monterey. You'd better get yourself into the shower before I drag you there myself.”
But when he held out a hand to her and said, “We'd better get clean, then,” even though she knew they were barely going to make it to the teen center on time, she couldn't resist joining him.
* * *
Janica was fantastic with kids.
She was fantastic with everyone, actually. In the first half hour she'd managed to teach Luke enough for him to work with the kids one-on-one as they cut and stitched fabric.
Hours later as they ate clam chowder out of bread bowls at a restaurant on the wharf, he said, “Looks like you've done a lot of volunteering with kids. I'm really impressed.”
“Right back at you,” she said. “I don't think any of them knew you were really a stuffy doctor.”
He knew he hadn't caught his hurt reaction in time by the way she looked at him and the fact that she covered his hand with hers.
“Sorry, I was just teasing. I really appreciate you helping out today. I know it's a lot of work. If you're ever looking to get out of the ER, you should consider being a pediatrician.”
“I loved working with the kids, teaching them what you were teaching me, too.” And he had, but that wasn't the full truth. “What I really loved was being with you.”
“You loved being with me,” she repeated in a hollow voice. “Is that it?”
He frowned, his frown deepening as her face lost all color. God, he hated doing this to her. Especially when he'd known all along that he couldn't give her what she wanted.
“Janica.” Fuck. He didn't have the first clue what to say to her.
Because he didn't have the first clue about what was going on inside his own screwed up head.
“I need to get some air,” she said, pushing away from the table.
She was fast enough that he couldn't catch her until she was halfway down a public dock. She didn't stop when he called out her name several times and he had no choice but to grab her arm and force her to look at him.
“What's wrong?”
“Me. I'm what's wrong.”
“No. You're perfect.”
“Then why don't you love me?”
He crushed her mouth beneath his without thinking. He kissed her savagely, ruthlessly. They were both panting when he finally drew away from her bruised and swollen lips.
“I'm hurting you,” he said, the words low and raw. “Just like I knew I would. I don't want to hurt you, sweetheart.”
“I know you don't,” she said, and then she surprised him by taking his hand and saying, “Let's go back to the cabin and you can make it up to me.”
He didn't deserve her. Didn't deserve how open and loving she was.
And yet, even knowing that, even knowing he was hurting her, wasn't enough to make him give her up.
Chapter Eighteen