me off to a trendy bar in the Mission District: loud, crowded, and just the distraction I needed. Men were all over me in an instant. I flirted like crazy. Why shouldn’t I? I was beautiful. They all wanted me. The attention made me feel great.
“This is more like it,” Liza crowed, when I had a gaggle of guys in the bar practically panting for my attention. “You’ve been off your game lately, but this is the Sarah I know and love!”
Aurelie leaned over to whisper into my ear. “Speaking of love. . .look what I have for you. A little present.” She opened her palm to show me a tiny blue pill. “Go ahead, take it.”
I hesitated. “What is it?”
“Something that will make you feel good. It will help you loosen up.”
I’d never used drugs, though I’d had plenty of chances. In my old neighborhood there was a dealer on every corner. I’d promised my mom I wouldn’t, and besides, I was terrified to do anything that might screw up my chance to go to college. And I needed to go to college so I could make so much money I’d never have to worry again. But now – what did it matter? I’d already been to college, or at least Sarah had. It’s not like I’d be letting my mother down now. In her mind, I was dead.
With that thought came a surge of bitterness. How could a mother not know her own child? If I’d been twelve feet tall and purple, she should have known me. If I’d been badly burned and totally disfigured, she wouldn’t have turned me away. So why had she failed me now?
“If you don’t want it. . .” Aurelie said.
“I do.” I took the pill, slipped it between my lips, and gulped my drink. Anything to soothe away the pain and anger burning in my heart tonight.
“No more of this, then.” Aurelie grabbed my drink and ordered me a glass of ice water. “Just wait. You’ll love it.”
CHAPTER FIFTEEN
But I didn’t feel anything, even after we moved on to another bar. I was almost disappointed, until I started twisting a lock of my hair around my finger and noticed how very, very soft it was. Had it always been so soft? And Liza and Aurelie looked gorgeous tonight. They were such good friends. I really, really loved them.
I told them this. Aurelie laughed. “Nice, huh?”
“Oh, is this the pill?” The lights were so pretty. I loved everyone in the bar, especially the surfer guy I’d just met, Andrew. He had brown hair bleached at the tips and the softest, sweetest brown eyes I’d ever seen. Sleepy eyes. Sexy eyes.
“So, like, how about we get out of here?” Andrew said, stroking my arm. His touch felt incredible, like he was stimulating every nerve ending in my body. I was sure no one had ever touched me like this before.
“I don’t know –“
“Go ahead, go.” Liza and Aurelie pushed me toward the door, giggling. “Have fun, Sarah.”
We took a cab to my apartment. On the way, Andrew kissed me. His lips on my neck sent chills down my spine. I was melting into a gooey puddle. God, I wanted him. After Nick, I’d promised myself – but what was the big deal? I was an adult now. Adults did things like this all the time. Besides, Andrew was adorable. He didn’t talk much, and when he did it was to say things like, “Dude, there sure are a lot of stars out tonight,” but hey, nobody was perfect.
We went upstairs. Andrew urged me toward the bedroom. Was this really happening? I didn’t want him to stop, but at the same time I felt vaguely uneasy. I pushed him away. “I need some water.”
I stumbled to the kitchen, pulled a bottle of Evian from the fridge, and drank half of it in one gulp. Andrew followed me into the kitchen. His hands were everywhere. With regret, I gently pried his fingers off my body.
“Look, Andrew, I’m sorry. I can’t do this.”
“Whoa, dude, did I do something wrong?”
“No, it’s not you. I just can’t.”
He shrugged. “Hey, no problem. It’s cool.”
Relieved that he wasn’t angry, I called him a cab and escorted him downstairs. On the steps of my building, I let him give me his phone number and kiss me one more time.
When he broke away, I looked up to see Matt heading past us on his way inside. “Hi, Sarah,” he said, but not with