shit in front of my entire company…their families. Kids were hurt… Dozens were hurt. My boss had to go to the hospital because he got hit in the face by glass from the tree.” Scott’s tone rose, his cheeks deepening in color. “So, I don’t care what you want anymore. You are sick. Very sick!”
“I’m on new medication. It will work! I need more time to adjust to it—”
“Fuck!” Scott hollered, causing me to jump. He never swore like that. “Do you hear yourself, Dinah? Making excuses? You need help!”
“I’m getting it.”
“It’s not enough.” He stepped up to me. “You need to go somewhere they can watch you.”
“Watch me?” I exclaimed. “Like a mental institution? You want to lock me up as they did my sister?”
“She got better, didn’t she?”
“There was never anything wrong with her.” I heard myself shout back, not knowing why I said it. My sister had been sick, and she came back better, but why did I feel that wasn’t exactly true either? A fuzzy memory of her being carted away flickered back in my head. It felt as though I were missing something vital, like half the story was in darkness. “I won’t let you do that to me.”
Scott leaned back on his heels, his chin rising at my response. “I love you, Dinah, and I won’t stand to the side and watch this happen to you. I am calling your parents.” He reached for his cell.
“No!” I grabbed for the mobile, tugging it out of his hands. “Please, give me a little more time. The medication will kick in.”
“Give me back my phone.” He held out his palm, his arm shaking in anger.
I shook my head, curling the mobile to my chest.
“Now, Dinah!” His demand cut across the space.
I didn’t respond. It was instinctual, the need to keep this from my parents. A deep-seated notion I would fully fall over the edge the moment they took me to a clinic. They gave Alice over to a monster, a voice in the back of my head said. They took away her choice, saying it was for her own good. They will do the same to you.
“Dinah…”
I stepped back away from him.
“GODDAMMIT!” Scott bellowed, his hands gripping his hair. “I’m trying to help you. Do you know what it was like to watch you tonight?” Emotion poured from him, his arms thrusting out. “For everyone to see my girlfriend go batshit crazy? You were terrified, crying out in gibberish, flipping over tables and knocking down the tree. You ran around like something was after you, like you were being hunted.” He moved around in a frantic line. “Do you get how bad this is? You hurt people tonight, Dinah! Kids of my co-workers. Do you think I can ever face those people again? I can kiss the promotion goodbye. You sent my boss to the hospital.”
Shame trailed down my face; guilt, remorse, and embarrassment weighed down my chest. “I’m sorry.”
“Sorry is not good enough anymore,” he snapped back, causing more tears to roll down. “Tell me what you’re seeing. How are you not able to tell the difference between a hallucination and what’s real? How is that possible?”
My lips pressed together, my head darting to the side. I couldn’t answer. I knew he would never understand, no matter what I said. When he watched Alice flip out, it had disturbed him for a long time. I don’t think he still looked at her the same, even after all this time.
“I don’t know what to do here, Dinah.” He rubbed frantically at his head, tugging at his tie and tossing it on the bed. “I’m—I’m not equipped to deal with this. This was not in our plan.”
“You think I was prepared for this? You think I want this happening to me?” I stabbed a finger into my chest. “I don’t, Scott. I’m scared and trying my best. But I don’t think anything will be what we planned, not anymore.”
“If you get help…”
“Doesn’t matter. Even if I get help, things have changed for me. I will always be the girl people will be cautious of, and I will always be fearful, wondering if it will return. Every time I act slightly differently, you are going to doubt me. You will never trust me or my opinion. I mean, what if it never goes away? What if this is me now?” I motioned to myself. “Have you thought about that? Could you handle it if I never got better?