Beauty In Her Madness (Winterland Tale #3) - Stacey Marie Brown Page 0,58

his back to me.

“Oh my god, something did. What, Scott? Tell me!”

“It was no big deal.” He whirled around, his arms open. “It was nothing.”

“Nothing? It was definitely something.”

Silence.

“Tell me!”

“We kissed, okay? It was once, and I quickly stopped it. It didn’t mean anything.”

“When?” My shoulders heaved, but I felt strangely calm inside.

“Why does it matter?”

“When!?”

“The other night. Does that make you happy? We were both drunk and playing video games, and it was over before it even started. It was a stupid mistake.”

“The night everyone was here?”

“Yeah.” He pinched the bridge of his nose. “The guys had left, and we were still drinking and gaming. We were laughing and having fun, and I don’t know…it just happened.”

No words found their way to my mouth.

“Say something.”

“There’s not much to say.”

“It didn’t mean anything.”

“Was it why you were so eager to have sex that night? Out of guilt?”

“No!” He shoved the chair into the table. “It’s not okay to want to have sex with my beautiful girlfriend?”

I wrapped my arms around me tighter.

His shoulders deflated, not getting the fight he was probably expecting.

“We’ve been so distant lately. We barely see each other. We’re both working all the time. And with school…” He took a deep breath. “I was drunk and stupid. I’m so sorry.”

Nipping on my bottom lip, I stared down at my boots. I was hurt and mad, but at the same time, I was being a hypocrite. Even if Frost was a hallucination…every touch had been very real to me.

And I had wanted more.

“Di?” Scott’s voice broke over my name. “I’m so sorry.”

I nodded, my throat thick. “I know.”

He ambled up to me. “Can you forgive me?”

I swallowed, my head slowly bobbing. Oddly, I wasn’t mad at him or Leanne. I felt sad, like I was mourning something.

Scott wrapped his arms around me, pulling me in, his head tucking into my neck. He was only an inch taller than me, so he didn’t have to lean over me to do it. “I love you.”

“Love you too.” The sentiment came out automatically, like a habit, almost not hearing the words at all anymore. I did love Scott with all my heart, but I couldn’t ignore the sliver embedding in my chest. Small, but I could feel it swelling with doubt.

“Let’s go to bed.” He kissed my temple, pulling away from me. “We can talk about this all tomorrow. We’re both exhausted.”

“Yeah. Of course.” I nodded, not feeling as sure as I sounded.

“Okay.” He blew out in relief, heading for the bedroom. “I just want to take a shower and forget this day.”

He strolled down the hallway to the bedroom, but I didn’t follow.

I felt numb, depleted. Today had been one of my worst days. Breaking down in public, going to the hospital, and ending it with finding out my boyfriend kissed another girl. But I didn’t feel any of the emotions I should have, especially for the last one. I wasn’t angry or jealous. If Leanne walked in right now, I wouldn’t have one single issue with her.

Why was that? Why didn’t I feel any kind of jealousy? I always thought a small amount of possessiveness was a sign of a healthy relationship, but it didn’t feel that way right now. I glanced to the sofa, and I pictured them sitting together gaming, laughing and teasing each other, their bodies close. And then kissing. I could picture it so easily, as though it were the most normal thing in the world.

My stomach twisted, and tears jumped into my eyes, a sob sticking in my lungs. Not because the image of them kissing bothered me, but because it didn’t.

Tucking my chin to my chest, a tear fell down my cheek. I could feel things changing, my walls tumbling down, and I could do nothing to stop them.

“Dinah, why the hell is our comforter over the mirror?” Scott’s voice called from the other room.

I bent over until my head hit the back of the sofa.

Fuck a nutcracker.

Chapter 17

The rest of the week moved at a glacial pace, filled with tension and fear. Between school, work, and home, I lived in a constant state of apprehension at every noise or object moving. Everything made me jump and doubt my own thoughts and senses.

My parents were hounding me about whether I had made an appointment to see my therapist. Their worry bled out so much, they even postponed dinner with Alice and Matt. It seemed like they didn’t want me to infect her again.