be her crown. The prayer my mother had uttered pinched in my throat. Had the prayer helped me survive? Was there any heart behind it for the gods to hear? Or was it a rote verse said by a queen for the sake of those who watched? She had been so distant in those last weeks before the wedding, like someone I didn’t even know. Apparently she had been playing a deceptive role in my life for years.
She may have conspired and deceived but she was also the mother who had laid her skirts out in the meadow for Bryn and me to sit on as she interpreted the birdsong for us, making us laugh at their silly chatter; the mother who shrugged at my shiner when I scuffled with the baker’s boy and then tamped down my father’s scowl; the mother who told me just before an execution that I could turn away—that I didn’t have to look. I wanted to understand who she really was or what she had become.
My eyes blurred, and I longed for that distant meadow and my mother’s warm touch again. It was a dangerous thought because it tumbled into more longings, for the laughter of Bryn and Regan, the sound of Aunt Bernette humming, the echoing chimes of the abbey, the aroma of Tuesday buns filling the halls.
“You’re ready.”
I spun. Rafe was waiting near the door. He was dressed, not as an officer, nor as a king, but as a warrior. Black leather pauldrons tipped with metal widened his already broad shoulders, and two swords hung from his sides. His expression was hard and scrutinizing, like that long-ago day when he had first walked into Berdi’s tavern. And in the same way it had that day, his gaze took away my breath.
“Expecting trouble?” I asked.
“A soldier is always expecting trouble.”
His voice was so controlled and distant, it made me pause for a second look. His dark expression didn’t waver. I grabbed my saddlebag from the bed, but he took it from me. “I’ll carry it.”
I didn’t argue. It sounded like the stubborn declaration of a king rather than a proffered kindness. We walked through the camp in silence except for the jingle of his belts and swords, which made his footsteps seem more ominous. With each step, he seemed larger and more impenetrable. The camp was buzzing with activity, supply wagons rolling toward the gates, soldiers still carrying gear to their horses, officers directing troops to their squad positions in the caravan. I spotted Kaden, Tavish, Orrin, Jeb, and Sven clustered on their own horses just inside the outpost gates. Two more horses waited beside them, which I assumed were for Rafe and me.
“Find your places in the middle of the caravan,” Rafe told them. “I’ll help the princess. We’ll catch up.” The princess. Rafe wouldn’t even say my name. Kaden looked at me oddly, a rare flash of worry in his expression, then turned his horse, riding away with the others as ordered. Dread snaked through me.
“What’s wrong?” I asked.
“Everything.” Rafe’s tone remained flat, frighteningly absent of the lively sarcasm he had favored lately. He stayed busy, his back to me, taking an excessive amount of time to strap on my saddlebag.
I noted that my horse was heavily laden with supplies and gear.
“My horse is a pack animal?” I asked.
“You’ll need the supplies.” Another dose of his distant coolness plucked at my ire.
“And you?” I asked, looking at his horse, which had none.
“Most of my gear and food will be in the wagons that follow.”
He finished with my horse and moved to his own. A sword sheathed in a plain scabbard hung from the pommel of my saddle, and a shield was strapped to the pack behind it.
I ran my hand along the horse’s soft muzzle. Rafe saw me examining the plain leather noseband. “None of your tack denotes a kingdom. You can become whoever you choose as the need arises.”
I turned, not certain what he was saying.
He refused to look at me, checking his own bag and cinch again. “You’re free to go where you wish, Lia. I’m not going to force you to stay with me. Though I would suggest you travel with the caravan for the first twelve miles. At that point, there’s a trail that veers west. You can take it if you choose to.”
He was letting me go? Was there a catch to this? I couldn’t go anywhere without Kaden. I didn’t know the way. “And Kaden