they get to me, they’ll break you, but that’s not going to happen.”
“They won’t be getting anywhere near you again.”
“If they do, we got this,” I tell him. I need him to not be so hard on himself. He couldn’t have predicted that it would go down like this. Shit like this isn’t normal.
But even as I’m thinking it, the other part of my brain is saying that it’s normal for the Heights. Shit like this happens here all the time. Fight after fight over power and control. It never ends.
“You’ve got yourself a good team, and we’re all going to make sure nothing happens to any of us,” I tell him.
He bites his bottom lip until it’s swollen and plump. He’s so fucking kissable right now, but the fear dancing in his eyes tells me he wants to say something. “You’re not going to leave me then?”
I reel backward. “Leave you?” The force of his words almost knocks me on my ass. I shake my head. “That’s not happening. Johnny, I care for you.”
He drops his forehead to mine, then picks my hand up and brushes kisses over my knuckles. He closes his eyes. “Let me get this out because it’s the most selfless thing I’ve ever said, and I don’t want to say it, but fuck, I think I finally know what it means.” He pauses for a beat. Underneath his closed lids, his eyes dance, and I wonder what’s lurking in the depths there. “I’ll get you out.” His gaze opens, staring straight into my eyes. “I’ll get you out of the Heights. You’ll be safe. I’ll set you up for life. I’ll—”
“Stop.”
He presses his lips shut, and damn if there aren’t unshed tears in his eyes. Just fuck me. Fuck.
“I’m not leaving you here.”
My heart is a puzzle made up of pieces of Johnny, Brawler, Magnum, and Oscar. I know it because all of them offered to get me out. They’ve all risked life and limb—K’s, and even Johnny’s ire—to make sure I’m safe. The moment I told him I wasn’t leaving him here, another puzzle piece shifted just slightly into place. I meant exactly that. I’m not staying to kill Big Daddy K anymore. I mean, yeah, I’m still going to, but right now, I’m staying for Johnny. I’m staying for him because he said he’d get me out with no thought of escaping with me. He thinks he’s stuck. He’d stay behind, knowing his father would give him more than a black eye after finding out I left. K’s evil knows no boundaries.
Johnny drops his head to my chest and loses it. He clutches my t-shirt in his fists, pulling the fabric tight around me. The noise he makes breaks my heart. I run my hands through his hair and down his back, holding him close. His bowed back, his bent head, it’s as if he’s praying at my altar, which only makes me love him more. Johnny doesn’t submit to anyone or anything, but the fact he feels comfortable enough to do this with me means I know just where he stands in his feelings for me.
“I was hoping you’d say no because I’m a selfish asshole, but even though I’m happy, I hurt too. I don’t want to be like my dad.” He peers up at me. His face contorts in pain, and I hold my breath. “You asked me about my mom once. She left. She got out. She started a new life, and I’ve hated her ever since. The moment she left, she changed my dad, or at least that’s what I thought. I thought she turned him into a monster, but the more I learn, the more I realize he’s been a monster all this time. That’s why she left. She didn’t change him. She ran from the person he is.”
I pull him to me and lie back on the bed. We hold one another, and even though my heart breaks for Johnny, it soars for him too. He’s breaking down his barriers. He’s letting me in. He’s letting himself think outside of the Crew box.
“Hey,” I say, threading my fingers through the back of his hair and making him look at me. “I’m not running from you.”
His eyes close, and he draws in a ragged breath. He tries to dip his head again, but I hold him tight, making sure we’re looking at one another.
I smile, a small one that only teases the corners of my lips. Hesitation