to disappear,” he said in a low voice.
“I could write to you,” she replied.
He realized they’d had the exact same conversation the previous spring, but their roles had been inverse. He chuckled, and likely noticing the irony, she laughed.
“Don’t worry, Hector. I won’t take off yet, and I wouldn’t leave without saying my good-byes first.”
“I’m grateful for that,” he said, trying not to sound hurt, trying not to cringe, and he managed it.
She’d leave him.
It was to be expected.
Nina turned her head, in profile, to look out the window. Her hair was pinned up carefully in place, the collar of her pastel-colored dress high. He thought she was imitating another girl, a wealthy heiress out on society calls. She didn’t look like Nina that day. But then, she was a wealthy girl, and he was, likely, one of her calls, even a charity case. By now, Luc Lémy must have taken her to the right parties, introduced her to all the Beautiful Ones in Loisail. Aristocratic eyebrows might have been raised, but Luc was charming. He would know how to soften people, and how to best wedge Nina into that exclusive circle.
“I try to imagine sometimes, what it must have been, for you to leave for Iblevad. To take that leap, without knowing if you’d fail or succeed,” she said. “Weren’t you afraid?”
“I was terrified,” he said. “But I couldn’t have done anything differently.”
The engine of his actions had been his belief in love, in happiness. The mention of his voyage obliquely included Valérie, and perhaps that was why Nina looked down at the slices of lemon, her brow furrowed.
“Nor would I have wanted to. I am glad of who I am now. You don’t know that when you begin a journey, and looking back the picture is not always pretty, but I wouldn’t take any of it back.”
“Not even your heartbreak?” she asked, stirring sugar cubes with her mind.
“I doubt the tree complains about the arid seasons and the overwhelming rains as it counts its rings.”
“You are wiser than I, then.”
“A little older,” he said. “Not much wiser.”
She was looking outside again, did not seem able to remain with him even if they sat together. Her index finger slowly traced a sliding drop of water against the glass.
“I do not understand what I want. Do you think that changes as you get older?” she asked.
She had turned her face toward him again, expectantly. Hector, who was accustomed to being observed by multitudes, felt shy under the scrutiny of those hazel eyes. He demurred because he realized there was another question under the question, and he did not know what the hell to say.
“I think it is always difficult to determine that,” he said. “And mistakes will be made.”
“Yes,” she said, sipping her tea.
If the day hadn’t been gloomy, perhaps their conversation wouldn’t be tinged with this pensiveness. And she’d been happy in Oldhouse, and he’d been happy, too, when she smiled. Although she was the one who provided their merriment, he decided it would fall upon him this time to distract them.
“Here, now, do you think we can build a house out of these sugar cubes?” he asked, and as he spoke, the blocks assembled themselves into a box.
“We wouldn’t have enough.”
“If you pilfer a few more from the table next to us, we might.”
Nina reached toward the other table, with its matching porcelain jar full of sugar cubes. She set it down, and Hector made the lid slide off and the sugar cubes trailed out at his command, heaping themselves into place.
“I always find it harder to control small pieces,” she said. “But you make it look easy.”
“It is harder. But when I was about twelve, I was already earning my living doing things like this,” he said, reshaping his creation, making a horse out of the cubes.
“When did you handle large props?”
“I was about fifteen. I joined a traveling show. The owner was an ogre. He overworked us and did not pay on time, but I honed my skills during that time.”
“What is your favorite trick?” she asked, resting her chin on the back of her hand as she watched him.
“Chipping a block of ice until it acquires a specific shape. When they advertised it, on the posters, they said SPECTACULAR, twice. In big letters, so you’d get the point.”
Nina smiled and then she blushed, although he had no idea how he’d caused that reaction. She had rested her free, ungloved hand against the table, and Hector