Bad Habits: A Dark Anthology - Yolanda Olson Page 0,117
away the voices in my head has helped so far. If anything, I feel like they’ve amplified them, but I’ve become quite intimate with my demons, and they help me perform when I need them to.
I push my hair out of my face as I continue walking. I don’t like where I’ve stopped so far and no one will bother if they see me so close to the convent still. They’ll try to take me back—tell the Bitch Mother that I need food or shelter for the night, and she’ll reprimand me for leaving without her say so.
She’ll cane me as she’s so fond of doing when I’ve gone against her wishes, and while my customers don’t seem to mind the bruises, it’s hard to sit with welts on my ass. It’ll make performing harder than it should be.
I take in a shuddering breath and stop walking again. Glancing up at the street sign above my head, I smile slightly. A few more steps until I reach the end of this path should be sufficient.
I’ll find someone who’ll want to get to know me on the corner of this avenue since it’s where the lonely and desperate convene.
Mother warned us to stay away from this part of town. “It’s full of sin, degenerates, and miscreants. There is no salvation for the people that dwell there.”
That’s how I know I’ve found the perfect place and it amazes me that I hadn’t found it sooner.
Not that I thought I would have the need to leave the convent tonight, but I want to feel alive again and I need to feel the rush of blood.
Be it mine or someone else’s—I need it now more than ever.
I can’t be the girl I once was unless I’m cleansed.
Mother has always told us that we can confess anything to her, that she’ll see us through any troubles we have, but that courtesy never extended to me.
Not after I found my first prop and decided to become a star on camera. She says that by sparing the rod when it came to me, she spoiled the child, but I’ll show her one day.
I wasn’t born a monster.
She fucking made me this way.
Chapter Four
I’ve been staring at my hands as second and minutes of time slip by. The blood has long since dried and I still can’t remember how they got that way.
I slip my thumb into my mouth and begin to suckle away as much of the dried blood as I can while I begin to scan the street rapidly.
No one has approached me yet.
No one wants to help me.
Should I give up? Stay on my own? Try to figure things out? I want to go back and resume my show because I don’t want my customers to feel cheated, but in a way, I feel the most cheated of all.
I let myself down by letting my thoughts take hold of me and forcing me to stop. Not being able to peel back the wrapping on the package frustrated me to the point of feeling like I’d never get the show started and I gave up far too easily.
I’ll make it up to them somehow, I reason to myself as the taste of chipped copper fills my mouth.
“Are you okay?”
I close my eyes for a moment and take a deep breath into my lungs as I feel my lips slip into a smile.
Finally.
Turning my face toward the sound of his voice, I open my eyes again and continue to suck on my thumb. The man that’s watching me with cautious, light brown eyes is beautiful. I take him in quickly and before I turn my eyes away from him for the slightest of moments, I’ve already become enthralled.
He’s taller than me by half a foot, a severe look to his ruggedly handsome face, and has hair the color of what I know my soul must look like, but the difference is the gray starting to sprout.
He has light in him and on him, whereas I have none.
“I’m lost,” I say, my voice barely above a whisper. I’m sure the fact that I’m speaking with my thumb still in my mouth won’t help the situation, but I’m not comfortable enough to stop just yet.
He raises an eyebrow as he carefully reaches for my hand and pries it away from my mouth.
“What was that?” he asks gently.
I let out a short laugh as I repeat my words, “I’m lost.”