than a freshly waxed pussy.”
The bartender clears his throat.
We stand idle, murmuring our approval at the fine fabric, the gorgeous cut and fit of our new smoking jackets.
“Philly, you still got those cigars?” I ask, never taking my eyes off my own reflection, hand tucked neatly in the breast fold, thumb exposed like I’ve seen a few royals do in the tabloids.
“I do.”
I extend a palm. “Hand me one, would ya?”
Nearby, the bartender—who’s obviously been eavesdropping on us this entire time—stifles our fun. “Gentlemen, there’s no smoking in the club.”
“It’s fine. The only smoking he does is from out of his ass after sex,” Blaine jokes, jostling me with a jab of his elbow. “Which is almost never.”
“He’s not a fan of the ladies.” Phillip joins him in roasting me. “We’re going to check his man credentials after this, as we’re not sure there’s anything between his legs anymore.”
“What the fuck, you guys?”
“Men-only club—sorry, society. No dating. No women. No commitments.” Phillip pops an unlit, uncut cigar between his lips and fingers the lapel of the jacket. Debonair and cool. Ticking off reasons he considers me a douche.
“Hey, we all decided to do this together—you wanted a jacket.”
He touches his, lovingly caressing the precious material. “I do like it,” he concedes with a smile. “I’m also gonna win me season tickets and a timeshare, and keep my four-wheeler.”
“No you’re not,” Blaine counters. “I am. No one is getting my prizes.”
“They’re not prizes—they’re incentives for following the guidelines set forth by the BBS.” If I have to keep correcting them, reminding them what the club is for, I’m going to lose my mind. “Besides, I’m gonna buy me some land so I can drive my newly acquired four-wheeler on it.”
That’s how determined I am not to fail, and to remain solvent. My focus is on my job—and nothing else.
“Land? You’re not serious.”
“As a heart attack. Where else am I riding the damn thing? I can’t drive it around the city—I’ll get arrested.” I turn my chin to the left. “Damn this color looks good on me.”
“Don’t do anything hasty. I broke up with Bambi, and Phillip here hasn’t had sex in a week.”
I roll my eyes. “You can have sex, dude. You just can’t date the same person.”
Phillip shrugs his shoulders. “For me it will be good not to mix those things up. Sometimes I confuse sex for affection, and if I get emotionally involved, then I lose.”
That’s true—he does confuse sex for affection more often than not. Once, he went on three dates with this girl Abby and when she passive-aggressively gave him the red light on any future, he thought there was still hope to win her back. All because she let it slip that she loved him while they were fucking—but then dumped him. Anyway, he chased her like she was his soul mate, making an ass of himself, concocting all these scenes to get her attention.
And they’d only gone out three times.
He puts his arm in the air, fist raised high. “Balls to the wall.”
I put an arm around his shoulder and pull him in. “Balls to the wall, buddy.”
8
Abbott
I love my grandmother.
I love my best friend.
What I don’t love is having coffee with them at the same time.
I sigh, stirring a packet of artificial sweetener into my cappuccino, bored and deserted—at the moment, they’re more interested in talking to each other than they are in talking to me.
I sigh again, louder this time, infusing the sound with a higher pitch so it travels.
“Alright.” Nan sets her tea cup on its saucer, lips curved in a half-smile. “Is someone feeling neglected?”
She knows me too well.
Sophia reaches over and tweaks my cheek between two fingers, pinching it as if I’m a child and laughing at me. “Aww, you hate being ignored, don’t you?”
Yes, and they both know it. “Y’all always do this when we go out.”
“Well, Nan and I haven’t seen each other since summer and we have tons of catching up to do, so stop pouting!” Sophia argues, snatching a macaron from the three-tiered tray in the center of the table.
We’ve gathered for tea—one of my favorite afternoon delights, Nan holding center stage—and I choose a few delicately decorated cakes and sandwiches to set on my plate.
Bite into the corner of a cucumber sandwich and die a little inside from how delicious it is.
Yum.
“Okay dear, tell me your news.” Nan lifts her tea cup again and takes a dainty swallow.
“I don’t actually have any news.” I just