wonder how, in a matter of a few days, my happiness fell askew. As much as I hate the thought of no longer talking to Alec, I know it has to end because there is nowhere for this friendship to go.
After I log into my email account, I begin typing.
I’ve made a mistake, I write. Everything I’ve ever told you has been the truth, everything except for two. The words come easily through my fingers but pain my heart as my eyes prick with tears. I wipe them away as they fall down my cheeks, and I can’t believe how difficult this is to do. I can’t believe how much this is affecting me.
I never thought I could grow so attached to a person in a matter of a week, but you are like nothing I’ve ever experienced, so I guess I shouldn’t be surprised that I feel the way I do—but I am surprised.
You’ve asked about my pen name many times, and I was always too afraid to reveal it to you because all it would take was one Google search for you to know my two lies. But these are the two reasons why I can no longer talk to you, why I probably should have never talked to you in the first place.
I am so sorry, Alec.
I never meant to lead you on. I’m a selfish woman.
My author name is Madilyn Kline. You can read my bio on my website and on Amazon. That bio will tell you the truth to my lies and expose me for the awful person I am.
Shame carves its way down my face and drips from my chin as I finish the email. Once done, I text Alec, fighting myself with every letter I type.
Me: Can you send me your email address?
His response comes immediately.
Alec: Why do you need my email?
Me: I need to send you something.
His next response doesn’t come so quickly. Tears paint the passing seconds, and his next text breaks a piece of my heart.
Alec: Don’t you dare send me a fucking Dear John letter.
But that’s exactly what I’m sending, and it hurts me to know that even he can feel it.
Me: Just send me your email.
And he does.
And I type it in.
And I hit send before I talk myself out of it.
And I drop my head into my hands.
And I cry.
Why am I crying? Why does this feel like I’m losing something special? Why did I get so attached?
“You fell for him, didn’t you?”
I look up to see Brooke standing in the doorway, and a second later she blurs behind my heart’s ache.
“I don’t know how this happened,” I cry. “I love Landon. I do. I promise you, I love him.”
“He’s a good man.”
“I know.” I turn to look out the window as emotions run rampant, and I begin to laugh through the sadness. “I feel so stupid, crying over a guy I never even met. It’s pathetic.”
“It’s not,” she says as she walks over to me and leans against the desk. “You got lost in a fantasy, and fantasies have a way of playing tricks on our hearts. This guy made you feel something, and you clung to it like most would because it’s new and exciting. Even I got swept away for a fleeting moment when you were telling me all about him. I had my own moment of weakness, and I’m sorry. I know I probably encouraged you when I shouldn’t have. I wasn’t a good friend.”
“You didn’t do anything wrong. I encouraged myself. But it never felt wrong until this afternoon when Alec and Landon collided within minutes of each other. Suddenly I was sneaking around and lying to Landon.”
“Don’t beat yourself up, Tori. You lost yourself for a moment, and like you said, it’s not like you ever met the guy. It was one week of fun and a lot of orgasms,” she says with a slip of laughter, which I slip into right along with her. “Did you call him?”
“No. I sent him an email,” I tell her. “I wonder how pissed he’s going to be when he finds out I have a family.”
“Why did you tell him that? Why didn’t you just say you’re not interested anymore and that it’s over?”
I shrug my shoulders. “Because I felt like he deserved the truth.” I then turn from the window to face her. “I told him my pen name.”