is out of sight, I take a quick shower, throw on some fresh clothes, and drive as fast as I can to Brooke’s house, all while thoughts of me getting off with Alec and then my husband play through my head like a fucked-up Lifetime movie.
“I’m so stupid,” I utter the moment Brooke opens her front door to find me standing on her porch.
She reaches out for me and leads me inside. “What happened?”
Shaking my head in disappointment, I tell her, “Things got really fucked up today.” We walk into her living room and take a seat on the couch. “It never felt like I was doing anything wrong until today.”
“You mean with Alec?”
“God, this is embarrassing.” I lower my head, pressing my palms against my forehead before looking up at Brooke and admitting, “We had cyber sex through video chat today.”
“You saw him getting off?”
I nod.
“And he watched you?”
“Yes. But that’s not all. Landon came home right after. If he would’ve come home a couple minutes sooner . . . fuck.”
She reaches for my hands that are knotted together. “What happened?”
“After I threw my clothes back on?” I respond in humorless humor. “He was so excited because the Times review came out today, and we wound up having sex in the same bed I just got off on with another guy. Landon actually smelled me on the sheets.”
“Shit.”
“I know,” I screech in humiliation. “I lied and told him I was missing him this morning and was touching myself.”
“Tori,” she says in disbelief as she sits back.
“I need this to be over.”
“I agree. I mean, it was funny at first, but if Landon found out, he’d—”
“I know. He’d be so pissed,” I interject. “I just don’t know how to end it. I mean, I feel bad because I’ve completely led this guy on. He even told his sister-in-law about me.”
“It’s only been a week. You don’t think he has feelings for you, do you?”
“I do.”
“Really?”
“I mean, it’s so much more than our dirty calls. We talk for hours every single day. We’ve had so many deep conversations and light-hearted ones as well. So yeah, I think he has feelings for me. He even told me he did.”
“Oh, my God,” she exhales as she rakes her hands through her hair. “And what about you? Do you have feelings for him?”
I immediately shake my head, as if what she’s inferring is completely insane. “I don’t even know him.”
“You’re contradicting yourself. You know that, right? Because you just told me about how much you two talk and how deep your conversations are.”
“But I’ve never spent any time with him.” My words are a lame defense she sees through.
“I’m your best friend, Tori. Don’t bullshit me.”
I already know the answer though. I knew it before she even asked me, but I’m afraid if I say it out loud I’ll give it life, and I can’t do that. So I lie. “I mean, as a human, yeah, I care about not hurting his feelings because of my deception. He thinks he has a chance with me, but he has no idea I’m married with a family.”
“So what are you going to do?”
“I don’t know. I mean, do I just stop talking to him and avoid his calls, or do I tell him the truth before disappearing on him?”
“You’re treading dangerous waters. Whatever you do, you need to do it now before this goes too far.”
Confliction torments my conscience. On one hand, I know I need to end this and now, but on the other, I don’t want to. I like Alec. I like talking to him, because he makes me feel so many things—he’s exciting, he’s unpredictable, and he brings out a side of me I’ve never known until now. I find myself looking at Landon and wishing he were more like Alec. More crass, more alive, more thrilling. The thing is, maybe Landon and I aren’t as good as what I thought, because if we were, then why am I being drawn elsewhere? Through Alec, I’m starting to see the flaws in Landon—I’m starting to see the cracks in my marriage.
But I can’t be the one to take a cleaver to our relationship, because I love Landon, because I love our family.
“Can I use your computer?”
“It’s in Chris’s office,” Brooke tells me.
“Give me a moment, okay?”
“Take your time.”
I make my way up the stairs and into the office. Sitting down at the desk, I look at the framed photos of Brooke’s happy family and