back. I’ve been so wrapped up in writing that I haven’t even checked my personal email account to see if he’s sent me a message. So when I log out of my author email and log into my personal account, I scroll through to find that I have no waiting messages.
I decide to kill a little time and see if he’s online, because I can’t deny that he’s entertaining to talk to. I sign in to my FetLife account and go to the private message page to find that his icon is lit up green, signifying his online status. I scroll back through our previous conversation before deciding to send a message.
ANONYMOUS: You there?
His response comes a couple minutes later.
ALEC107: I was wondering if I’d hear from you again.
ANONYMOUS: I’ve been busy. Deadlines and all.
ALEC107: Writing?
ANONYMOUS: Yes.
ALEC107: Anything good?
ANONYMOUS: Of course. I’m writing it, so it’s all good! LOL!
ALEC107: When are you going to tell me the name you write under so I can have the pleasure of reading some of your work?
ANONYMOUS: Why do you want to read my work?
ALEC107: For the same reason you decided to message me tonight.
ANONYMOUS: Which is?
ALEC107: Curiosity.
ANONYMOUS: You think I’m curious about you?
ALEC107: How many times have you thought about me in the past few days since we last spoke?
I hesitate before responding because I’m not sure how to. If I tell him the truth, he might assume something it’s not. Because I have thought about him, but only from the natural, human instinct one experiences when they come into contact with someone new. And yeah, I am curious about him, who wouldn’t be? He’s a total mystery and completely opposite of who I am when it comes to intimate lifestyle.
ANONYMOUS: I’ve thought about you at least once, which is why we’re talking.
ALEC107: Are you embarrassed to admit the truth, that I’ve crossed your mind every day, multiple times?
ANONYMOUS: Are you wanting me to feed your ego or something?
ALEC107: Just wanting the truth.
ANONYMOUS: Ask me something else then.
ALEC107: You ever been married?
He catches me off guard at the mere assumption that I’m currently single, but then again, he did find me on a fetish website. To him, I can be anything . . . anyone. A smile crawls onto my lips as I think about what type of game I want to play here. I’m a blank canvas that I can paint however I desire. For the first time ever, I get to be the character in my own fantasy land.
ANONYMOUS: No. I’ve never been married. You?
ALEC107: No.
ANONYMOUS: Wow. 41 years old and never married. That must mean one thing.
ALEC107: ???
ANONYMOUS: You’re stubborn and set in your ways.
ALEC107: I could say the same about you. 32 and never married.
ANONYMOUS: Touché. Kids?
ALEC107: No. You?
ANONYMOUS: No.
I lie as my kids are actually sound asleep upstairs in their beds.
ALEC107: Do you want any?
ANONYMOUS: If I met the right man, yes. What about you?
ALEC107: I’ve always wanted kids. But I’m 41, single, and apparently stubborn, so I’m doubtful it’ll happen. ;)
His humor makes me laugh, and I play into my act when I respond.
ANONYMOUS: Maybe we are destined to be forever alone.
ALEC107: Are you lonely?
ANONYMOUS: At times . . . yes.
My words are truth. Most people associate loneliness with being alone, but no matter how full my life is, there are times when I do feel very isolated. Just like tonight. This house may be filled with love and happiness, the pictures on the walls prove my full life, but here I am in the silence—lonely.
ALEC107: When was the last time you were with someone?
I think for a moment about how I want to answer.
ANONYMOUS: Almost a year since my last relationship.
ALEC107: I meant sexually.
ANONYMOUS: You’re invasive with your questions. Why on earth would I tell you when the last time I had sex was?
ALEC107: Why not?
ANONYMOUS: When was the last time you had sex?
ALEC107: Yesterday.
ANONYMOUS: Yesterday? I thought you were single.
ALEC107: I am.
ANONYMOUS: So you just have random sex?
ALEC107: Yes. But you should know that if you’ve read my profile.
I click on his picture, which takes me to his profile so I can re-read. I come across Play Parties and Swinging noted on his list of fetishes and then click back to our message screen.
ANONYMOUS: Swinging? I though that was married couples swapping partners with other married couples.
ALEC107: It can be, but not typically.
ANONYMOUS: And what exactly are Play Parties? Is that part of the whole “swinging” thing?