The Arrangement (A Real Man, #23) - Jenika Snow Page 0,13

know you’re probably wondering how I could say those awful things to you when I’m madly in love with you. How could I have hurt you the way I did, when you’re the only woman I want?” I swallowed the thick lump in my throat. She didn’t say anything, but her expression spoke loudly. What I said penetrated her deeply. I ran a hand over my jaw, feeling a day’s worth of stubble covering it. “And I don’t have an answer to that. All I can say is it was in the heat of the moment, my father’s pain consuming me. I lashed out at the wrong person. God, Lenora. I am so fucking sorry. That day will be the biggest fucking mistake of my life. My one regret.” I looked into her eyes, pleading without saying anything in that moment. “And I don’t need you to love me back. I just need you to be in my life. I’ll take whatever I can get.” I was desperate for her friendship, for her in my life.

I just hoped it wasn’t too late.

Chapter Eight

Lenora

I wanted to kiss him so badly.

I wanted him to kiss me more than anything in the world in that moment.

But I was confused—the situation, the emotions I felt, so profound I couldn’t breathe. I felt dizzy, scared.

I was excited and aroused.

I found myself breaking away from him and standing, unable to form words, unable to say anything in that moment.

I couldn’t even breathe.

“Beckham—I....” I didn’t even know what to say. The revelation, truth he’d just given me, rocked my world.

So instead of saying something wrong, awkward, or putting my foot in my mouth, I walked away from him. I made my way into the kitchen, finally able to suck in a breath, to try to gather my thoughts.

He loves me.

Beckham’s in love with me.

I braced my hands on the counter, curling my fingers around the granite, the stone cold, hard... sturdy and keeping me upright in that moment.

I closed my eyes and breathed out. I didn’t know how long I stood there; it could’ve been hours for all I knew but in reality was probably just mere seconds. I heard Beckham come into the kitchen, could feel the heaviness come from him in what he wanted to say. But he stayed silent until I turned around and faced him.

The way he looked at me was like a broken man, so much pain and anguish coming from him that all I wanted to do was go up to Beckham and embrace him. But right now, I shouldn’t worry about the past. I shouldn’t worry about anything but what he said to me, what he confided in me.

He was in love with me.

I could’ve prolonged this, questioned how he could have said those hurtful things to me if he’d been in love with me. Maybe it didn’t make any sense; maybe I shouldn’t believe a word he said. But I did. I looked into his face, stared into his eyes, and I knew the truth.

He was truly sorry.

He truly regretted what he said and what happened.

He didn’t mean any of it.

And he was in love with me.

I played that last bit over and over in my mind, grasping for it like it wasn’t my reality.

“I’m sorry,” he said softly. “I shouldn’t have brought any of this up,” he said and exhaled, looking down at his feet as if he regretted the situation.

But I didn’t want him to. I was letting it slowly sink in. I was coming to terms with the reality of how my life was forever changing. And that’s why I’d walked away. That’s why I left Beckham sitting in the living room by himself.

Because I had to process this.

But my reality wasn’t for the worse this time. It was absolutely for the better.

“Beckham,” I finally said, and he looked up at me instantly. “I’m in love with you too,” I admitted for the first time in my life, actually saying those words out loud. I’d felt them, thought them for so long that they’d been a part of me, buried so deep it was almost as if I had drowned in them.

And they were out in the open now, hanging between us.

I heard him suck in a breath, his expression telling me he was shocked to hear me say I was in love with him too.

“I’m just so confused,” I whispered the truth. My truth. Before I knew what was happening, he was in front of