The Arrangement (A Real Man, #23) - Jenika Snow Page 0,12

her.

She felt incredible when I held her, and I wanted to keep that feeling, to bottle it up for when I felt like shit. I could draw upon it and feel like a brand-new man.

“But I was humiliated. I hurt you so deeply that I knew you’d never speak to me again, so when you called me, it was like fate was giving me another chance, like destiny had put us in each other’s lives once more.” I ran my hand over my hair, lightly tugging at the strands at my nape. I was frustrated with myself. I hated myself. “But that’s not an excuse. I shouldn’t have waited so long. I shouldn’t have been too afraid, too embarrassed to call you. I should’ve made things right as soon as I said that crap to you.” I looked into her eyes deeply, wanting her to see how true and genuine my words really were. “But listen to me, Lenora. Listen as closely as you’ve ever listened to anyone before.” My heart was in my throat, beating wildly, fast, and franticly. “Whatever it takes, whatever I have to do for the rest of my fucking life, I will make it up to you. I will make things right.”

I heard her breath hitch and wondered what she thought. She had every right to slap me, to curse me out. I wouldn’t blame her. I’d welcome it, because I deserved it. I deserved her hatred and her loathing, but God, I didn’t want any of it. I just wanted her.

So I just said it, laid my cards all out there.

“Because I love you, Lenora. I’ve loved you for years.”

The smile she gave me was soft, sweet. “I love you too, Beckham.”

I’d wanted—dreamed—of her saying those words to me, to say she was in love with me. But I knew the love she felt for me wasn’t the kind I had for her, that I fantasized about. And that was okay. Because I would take Lenora in my life anyway I could get her.

“Will you forgive me? Can you ever forgive me?” She was silent for a long time, so long that I thought maybe she’d never answer, fearing that when she finally did say something, it would be the opposite of what I desperately needed to hear.

“That’s all I’ve ever wanted to hear for six months, Beckham. I should hate you, never speak to you again, but I can’t. I love you too much.”

We stared into each other’s eyes, and I didn’t stop myself from reaching out and pulling her in close, burying my face in the crook of her neck, closing my eyes, and just inhaling deeply

She smelled good, like my happiness and memories that wrapped up in this euphoric sensation I always felt when I was with her.

“I love you so fucking much, Lenora. Not seeing you or talking to you this half a year has been hell. And I only have myself to blame.”

She wrapped her arms around me, and I shuddered, my body shaking slightly, because it felt so damn good to have her close.

“I love you too, Beckham.”

I was a big man, strong and powerful. I wasn’t afraid of anything, didn’t back down when challenged. Men were afraid of me, because I had confidence, because I didn’t let anyone fuck me over. But this woman… this woman could bring me to my knees faster than anything else on this planet. Only this woman had any kind of power over me.

I leaned back and cupped her cheek, smoothing my thumb right under her eye, feeling how smooth her skin was, how warm she was. I dipped my gaze down to her lips, not wanting to cross lines but feeling so vulnerable and bare right now that I couldn’t stop myself.

“Do you know what I mean when I say I love you, Lenora?” I asked softly and tore my gaze from her mouth to look into her eyes. I saw her pupils dilate, heard her breathing increase. Was it arousal? Was it shock? Either way, she didn’t push me away. She let me hold her, touch her. “Do you really know what I mean when I say I love you?” She shook her head slowly, although I could see the lie in her expression. She knew. “It’s not the way I should love you, probably. But I can’t stop myself.”

She took in a stuttering breath. “Beckham?” Her voice was so soft I almost didn’t hear her say my name.

“And I