She didn't answer.
"When did you decide?"
"I decided almost immediately," she said. "I couldn't resist it. It was pointless to tell myself I was pondering it, giving it the consideration it deserved." Her voice grew warmer and so did her expression. This was Laura, his Laura. "I wanted it, and I told Felix and I told Thibault."
He studied her, ignoring the impulse to take her to the bed again. Her skin looked moist, youthful, and though she'd never looked old, she'd been powerfully enhanced, there was no doubt of it. He could hardly bear to look at her lips and not kiss them.
"I went to the cemetery," she said. "I talked to my father." She looked off, obviously not finding this easy. "Well, talked as if I could talk to my father," she said. "They're all buried there, you know, my sister, my mother, my father. I talked to them. Talked to them about all of it. But I'd made the decision before I ever left Nideck Point. I knew I was going to do it."
"All this time, I was figuring you'd refuse, you'd say no."
"Why?" she asked gently. "Why would you think such a thing?"
"I don't know," he said. "Because you had lost so much and you might want so much more. Because you'd lost children, and you might want a child again, not a Morphenkind child, whatever that would be, but a child. Or because you believed in life, and thought life itself is worth what we give up for it."
"It is worth dying for?" she asked.
He didn't answer.
"You speak like you have regrets," she said. "But I guess that's bound to happen."
"I don't have regrets," he said. "I don't know what I feel, but I could imagine your saying no. I could imagine your wanting another chance at a family, a husband, a lover, and children."
"Reuben, what you have never grasped … what you seem absolutely unable to grasp … is that this means we don't die." She said it without drama, but it was cutting to him and he knew it was true. "All my family have died," she said, her voice low and a little scolding. "All my family! My father, my mother, yes, in due course; but my sister, murdered in a liquor store robbery, and my children gone, dead, taken in the most cruel ways. Oh, I've never spoken of these things to you before, really; I shouldn't now. I hate when people tout their suffering and their losses." Her face hardened suddenly. Then a faraway look took hold of her as if she'd been drawn back into the worst pain.
"I know what you're saying," he said. "I don't know about death. Not anything. Until the night Marchent was killed, I only knew one person ever that had died, Celeste's brother. Oh, my grandparents, yes, they're dead, but they were so old. And then Marchent. I knew Marchent for less than twenty-four hours, and it was such a shock. I was numb. It wasn't death, it was catastrophe."
"Don't be in a hurry to know all about it," she said, a little defeated.