this baby’s life, but if you choose otherwise, that’s okay. I don’t need you. But I do need you to make a choice and stick to it. I know from my own experience and watching Sarah raise her daughter that it’s better for the child if no ambiguity exists. Unless you can commit to being a real father to our baby, she’s better off without you. We’ll get by just fine. I don’t want you to feel trapped.”
Our baby. He rubbed the back of his neck and grimaced. “I don’t know what I feel, to be honest.” Other than scared. “One thing I can tell you now, though, is that you need not worry about money. I’ll take care of you in that respect.”
She nodded. “Thank you. I admit that eases my mind. I was a little worried about how we’d make it financially when you disappeared on me. I figured that if I had the chance to tell you about the baby, you’d come through in that respect. I always knew you were a good guy, Callahan.”
“I’m an idiot. I got drunk, had unprotected sex, and got caught.”
“Gee, thanks.”
Again he winced. “Hey, that’s not a dig at you. You got caught, too.”
“True. I don’t even have alcohol for an excuse. I let emotions carry me away. You’d think a woman my age would know better.”
“It was Christmas Eve. It’s an emotional time for everyone. I was mourning my family. You walked in and …” He shrugged.
After that, neither of them spoke. The moment drew out.
Eventually she picked up a knife and resumed decorating her cookies. Though outwardly calm, telltale little signs betrayed her emotional turmoil—the slight tremble of her fingers as she moved cooled cookies ready for decorating onto wax paper, a deepening of the little worry line between her brows, the nervous tap of her foot.
Gabe watched Nic and thought of Jennifer, mourned Jennifer. The night she’d announced her pregnancy, he’d been over the moon. They’d both been thrilled. They’d celebrated with sparkling water and chocolate ice cream, then they’d gone to bed and made love. That’s the way it was supposed to be. Not like this.
He swallowed a lump the size of a baseball in his throat and watched Nic spread white icing across the surface of cooled, heart-shaped cookies with hands that trembled. Unexpectedly, a little wave of compassion lapped at his heart. This was her first pregnancy. Her first baby. She must have had some tense weeks. What had she thought when she realized she’d conceived and the father didn’t answer his phone?
His gaze settled on her stomach. A baby. Their baby. His baby.
No. Matt is my baby. Sweet little Matt, who loved to growl like Cookie Monster.
The memory hit like a sucker punch to his gut. He had to get out of here. Had to get away. Grief forced out his deepest feelings in words just above a whisper. “No. I can’t, Nic. I’m sorry, but I can’t be part of this baby’s life. You deserve better and so does this child, but I can’t do it. Not again. I buried a child. I can’t do this again. I won’t do this again. I don’t want another child.”
With that, there was nothing more to say. He rose and fled like the low-down, yellow-bellied coward that he was.
TEN
Two days later, on the evening of February 14, light reflected off a seventies-era mirror ball hung from a rafter on thirty-pound-test fishing line in the center of Eternity Springs Community School gym. Crepe-paper streamers swagged the bleachers, and pink and white helium-filled balloons rose from the backs of folding chairs set at round tables covered with white cloths. Candles floating in clear glass bowls served as centerpieces. Music selected by the disc jockey, Reverend Hart, ran the gamut from Sinatra tunes to country and western to hip-hop and the bunny hop.
Nic stood behind the refreshment table dipping pink punch into paper cups. She poured herself a cup of punch and tossed it back as if it were whiskey. She so didn’t want to be here.
Sarah sidled up beside Nic and said, “Am I glad you made cookies for us, Nic. The cakes are almost gone.”
“If you weren’t a master at baking, your treats would last longer.”
“Thank goodness we have yours, then. They’ll last.”
“Bite me.”
Sarah laughed and gazed around the gym, her violet eyes gleaming with satisfaction. “Doesn’t everything look pretty tonight? The mirror ball is inspired. The kids love it.”