and you wanted to go home to change? You asked me to bring you your keys out of your backpack. I saw the package. Not in your purse, but in your backpack.”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” Baffled, she shook her head. “I didn’t have … oh.”
“You remember?”
“That wasn’t birth control. That was Celeste’s blood pressure medicine. I’d picked up her refill when I was in Gunnison.”
“Oh.”
“So that’s why you didn’t bother with a condom? You thought I was on the pill?”
He hesitated, then confessed, “Honestly, on Christmas Eve … I didn’t think at all, Nic.”
She closed her eyes and sounded defeated when she said, “Yeah. Me either.”
Gabe began to pace the small kitchen. “I’m sorry I didn’t call. Afterward. I tried to make myself call you Christmas Day, but I hadn’t quite worked up the nerve by the time Jack arrived. We left shortly thereafter.”
He’d been running away. Away from Christmas. Away from the anniversary of the accident. Away from his own behavior with Nic. He’d spent two weeks on a Caribbean beach, then when Jack got called to assist in a hostage rescue operation in Bolivia, he’d gone along to help. “I was ashamed, Nic. I pretty much attacked you.”
Nic shrugged.
“I wasn’t fighting you off. It wasn’t a fine moment for either of us.”
Gabe linked his fingers behind his neck and stared down at the floor. “I swear, I don’t believe this. Jennifer and I tried to get pregnant for a year and a half before it finally worked. I can’t believe that only one time …”
“You are not questioning your paternity of this child, are you?” she asked, a cautionary note in her tone.
He waved his hand. “No. No. Not at all. I just can’t believe the bad luck that—”
“Whoa.” Her chin came up and challenge lit her eyes. “Stop right there. Let’s get something straight right from the beginning here. You will not refer to this child as bad luck or a mistake or any other negative term. My own father did that, and it’s an ugly thing.”
“You’re right. Sorry. I wasn’t thinking. I just … my wife had so much trouble getting pregnant. Are you absolutely sure about this? Maybe stress has delayed your period. Maybe—”
“I took four pregnancy tests,” she interrupted. “Then I saw my ob-gyn in Gunnison. You gave me a gift Christmas Eve, Santa Claus, and just in case you’re wondering, I’m not giving it back. I’m having this child.”
She was having this child. His child. A baby. Another baby. It was a done deal. Cells dividing and multiplying. Way too late to go back and grab a rubber. He pulled the chair out from the table and sank into the seat. He didn’t want this. Absolutely, positively didn’t want another child. He couldn’t bear to love another child.
Couldn’t bear to lose another child.
Then you should have kept your dick in your pants. In a low, disgusted voice, he murmured, “I’ve done some stupid, irresponsible things in my life, but this one takes the cake.”
Nic sighed and took the seat across from him. “Look, you and I both know that you weren’t in your right mind that night. The fact is, I wasn’t, either. I could have said no. I should have said no. But I was lonely and sad and it was Christmas. The situation got out of hand. We got out of hand. We’re both responsible. We were both wrong.”
She folded her hands atop the table and leaned forward, her tone earnest, as she continued, “But, Gabe, this child isn’t wrong. This child can never be considered wrong. I can’t emphasize this enough. I know what that’s like, and I will not have it for my baby.”
They sat in silence then for a long moment. Gabe tried to think the situation through, but he was having trouble thinking at all. A baby. She was having a baby! Finally, he asked, “What do you want from me, Nicole?”
“Only what you’re willing to give. Freely and without rancor. It’s important to me. I was illegitimate, and my father didn’t want me and he made sure I knew it. I won’t expose my child to similar hurt.”
“Wait a minute,” he protested, annoyed at the implication. “I would never be cruel to a kid.”
“I’m not saying you would be. It’s just, well, children are easily disappointed. Their hearts are fragile and easy to break.”
She sucked in a deep breath, then exhaled in a rush. “Look, Gabe, I’d like you to be part of