that they know nothing of those most important resolves their father has made: to serve his Lord Jesus Christ in thought, word, and deed forever. How can I return to Paris without begging you: give one of the girls to me. Let me raise her as my Christian daughter. Let us divide between us the fruit of our wicked fall, and our great good fortune that these beautiful girls have life."
My father went into a fury. He rose to his feet, clutching his walking stick.
"You disgraced my daughter," he shouted, "and now you come wanting to divide her children? Divide? You think you are King Solomon? If I had my sight I'd kill you. Nothing would stop me from it. I would kill you with my bare hands, and bury you beneath the backyard of this house to keep it from your Christian brethren. Thank your God that I'm blind and sick and old and can't tear your heart out. As it is, I order you out of my house, and insist that you never return, and do not seek to see your daughters. The door is barred against you. And allow me to put your mind at ease on this account: these children are legally ours. How will you prove otherwise to anyone, and think what scandal you bring upon yourself if you do not leave here in silence and give up this brash and cruel request!"
I did everything in my power to restrain my father, but with a sharp elbow he pushed me to the side. He swung his walking stick, his blind eyes searching the room before him.
The Earl was stricken with sorrow, but nothing could touch the look of misery and heartbreak in Godwin. As for Meir, I couldn't tell you how he was taking this argument because it was all I could do to put my arms around my father and beg him to be quiet, to let the men speak.
I was in terror, not of Godwin, but of Nigel. Nigel was the one after all with the power to seize my two daughters, if he chose, and to subject us to the harshest judgment. Nigel was the one with money enough and men enough to seize the girls and lock them up in his castle miles from London and deny me that I would ever see them again.
But I saw only gentleness in the faces of both men. Godwin was again weeping.
"Oh, that I have caused you pain, I am so sorry," he said to my father.
"Caused me pain, you dog!" my father said. With difficulty he recovered his chair and sat down again, trembling violently. "You have sinned against my house. You sin now against it. Get out of it. Go."
But what surprised everyone at this moment of passion was that Rosa came into the room and in a clear voice asked her grandfather to please say nothing more.
Now with twins, even identical twins often are not doublets in heart and soul. As I've already hinted to you, one can be more inclined to directness and to command than the other. So it was with my daughters, as I've said. Lea behaved always as if she were younger than Rosa; Rosa it was who often decided what they would do or not do. In this she resembled me as much as she resembled Godwin. She resembled my father as well, as he was always a man who spoke with force.
Well, forcefully, Rosa spoke now. She said to me in the gentlest yet firm manner that she wanted to go to Paris with her father.
At this Godwin and Nigel were both deeply moved, but my father was speechless and bowed his head. Rosa went to him, and wrapped her arms around him, and kissed him. But he would not open his eyes, and he dropped his walking stick and balled his fists on his knees, ignoring her as if he did not feel her touch.
I tried to give him back his walking stick as he was never without it, but he had turned away from all of us, as if coiled into himself.
"Grandfather," said Rosa, "Lea cannot bear to be separated from our mother. You know this, and you know that she would be afraid to go to a place such as Paris. She's fearful now of going with Meir and Mother to Norwich. I am the one who should go with Br. Godwin. Surely you can see the wisdom of this and that