it. “My favorite app is CALM. Know why? Because I’m not. So when I see something there that resonates, I remember it. Like, Obstacles do not block the path, they are the path. It’s a Zen proverb—and no, don’t roll your eyes, I’m not into Zen anything, only this makes sense. There are always hurdles in life. Getting over them is how we move forward. It’s how we grow.”
“Sure.”
“Trust me on this.”
“Oh, I do,” he said with a sarcasm that was all wrong in a fifteen-year-old whose curls made him look like he was five. “It’s my mother I don’t trust. I mean, she sits there and stares, so I guess she’s controlling herself, but then sometimes she gets this wild look in her eyes. It’s scary. I mean, is she angry at me? Angry at the world? I don’t have any fucking idea,” he said with a wild look of his own. “But I have to be in court tomorrow. What if the judge sees that look? What if he says she isn’t fit or something, and he puts me in a juvenile facility—”
“He won’t—”
“Or foster care.” His eyes widened, like he had an idea. I don’t think it was premeditated, just a sudden brainstorm on the heels of the discussion. “Come with us, Maggie.”
“Uh, where?” I knew, of course, just needed time to formulate my answer.
“To court. You’re her best friend. You’re always sensible. If anyone can keep her steady, you can.”
He had no idea what he was asking. Even if I wanted to do it for his sake, I couldn’t handle the press, which might focus on my being the only near-kin they could find and make me their next story. I couldn’t risk that. It was everything I’d built a new life to avoid. I would lose it, literally and figuratively. And that was even before Shanahan had his say.
Smiling sadly, I reached for mugs. “I can’t, Chris.”
“Because you have to work?”
“No.” Work would have been a lame excuse. Appointments could be shifted. “It isn’t about work. I just can’t.”
“Why not?”
“Because—because it’s inappropriate. Jay is the only one who should be with you.”
“Jay’s a lawyer. You’re our friend.”
“I know.”
“Isn’t this what friends do?”
“Yes—”
“If we ever, ever needed you, it’s now.”
“Chris—”
“I thought you liked me,” he said, sounding hurt.
“I do—”
“Then how can you not come?”
* * *
Later, I would think, KO’d by a fifteen-year-old. At the time, all I could think was that once he personalized it, I had lost. Chris Emory needed love. He needed attention. He needed to know that you didn’t have to pay for loyalty—like they were paying Jay—when friends were involved. This was a pivotal time in his life. He needed to know that someone who absolutely didn’t need to be there would be there for him.
That said, I didn’t fully commit, just told him I would try. I topped his hot chocolate with a mountain of whipped cream, thinking that my mother would never have used canned whipped cream but for all her whipping from scratch, she had deserted me when I’d needed her most. I couldn’t desert Chris. He wasn’t my child; I had only known him four years, had no more idea where he’d come from than he did. But what I did now seemed as pivotal to my life as hacking was to his.
Then Grace came to pick him up, Chris immediately said I was coming, and the look of hope on her face clinched it. She needed that kind of friend.
Maybe I did, too.
* * *
After they left, I sat in the living room in the warm and furry crowd of Hex, Jinx, and Jonah, and made mental lists.
The DON’T GO list had three points. First was the past, as in memory of courtrooms, judges, and the media. Second was the present, as in adding me to the spotlight now focused on Grace and Chris and jeopardizing my anonymity in Devon. Third, and legally crucial for my future, was Michael Shanahan.
The MUST GO side wasn’t as me-centric. It involved keeping Grace moored. And freeing Jay from the distraction of an unhinged client, so that he could focus on his job. And, yes, being there for Chris.
But there was something else. It had to do with character. I tried to push it aside with arguments like, It’s not my responsibility, I’m too bruised myself, I can’t save the world. But I kept returning to it. My being in court to support my friends was the right thing to